Tina Fey announced the possibility of a Mean Girls stage adaptation back in 2013, and it was just revealed that the musical will come to fruition in fall 2017 in Washington, D.C. Fey continues to share updates about the musical, but just in case she is still looking for ideas, we’ve chosen 15 moments of the movie that would make really “grool” musical numbers. Happy October 3!
Introduction of North Shore Lunch Table Cliques
In the style of: “Wilkommen” – Cabaret
“Wilkommen! Bienvenue! Welcome! Im North Shore! Au North Shore! To North Shore!” says Damian and Janis in matching purple tuxes as they walk the newbie (Cady) to the cafeteria.
The Rules of the Plastics
In the style of: “Candy Store” – Heathers, The Musical
Having lunch with the Plastics is like leaving the actual world and entering Heather Chandler’s candy store.
Meeting Mrs. George
In the style of: “When You’re Good to Mama” – Chicago
Ask any of the chickies in her pen, they’ll tell you she’s not a regular mom; she’s a cool mom.
The Burn Book
In the style of: “No Me Diga” – In the Heights
You didn’t hear it from me, but Amber D’Alessio made out with a hot dog.
That’s So Fetch
In the style of: “In My Own Little Corner” – Cinderella
In Gretchen’s own little corner, in her own little chair, she can say “fetch” as many times as she wants and sing about how Regina took away her ability to wear white gold hoops in 4/4 time.
Ms. Norbury at P.J. Calamities
In the style of: “Out Tonight” – Rent
Look me in the eye, and tell me that lady’s body doesn’t want to put on a tight skirt and flirt with a stranger after working three jobs all week.
Three-Way Calling Attack
In the style of: “Telephone Hour” – Bye Bye Birdie
Teenagers gossiping on the phone will always be timeless.
In the style of: “Little Girls” – Annie
The girls have gone wild, sheets of paper fly through the air, and a spot appears on Principal Duval as he sings, “High-school girls, high-school girls, everywhere I turn I can see them.”
Recalling Regina and Janis’ Friendship
In the style of: “Memory” – Cats
Janis has to have a moment all alone in the moonlight to dream of the old days before that “Kyle” showed up in Regina’s life.
Cady/Regina/Aaron Love Triangle
In the style of: “A Step Too Far” – Aida
Cady is certain that she loves Aaron and that his hair looks sexy pushed back.
Spring Fling Nominations
In the style of: “I Hope I Get It” – A Chorus Line
They really need that crown, oh God, they need that crown, they've got to get that crown...!
In the style of: “Cell Block Tango” – Chicago
And then Gretchen got diarrhea at Barnes & Noble. Gretchen got diarrhea at Barnes & Noble ten times.
Sucking Out the Poison
In the style of: “He Lives in You” – The Lion King
A nod to Cady’s South African ties, why wouldn’t the spirit of life be calling as Cady sucks the poison out of her life?
In the style of: “Cabinet Battle #2” – Hamilton
Kevin Gnapoor after Cady wins: “And if you don’t know, now you know, Mr. President.”
A cheesy, over-the-top finale highlighting the (literal) harmony between the new group of friends is the only acceptable way to end this fetch musical.