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All right, people. Week three of "You're the One That I Want," and the show is heating up! As opposed to my apartment, which has a mean temperature of 28, I'm literally typing this in a full flannel bathrobe and two pairs of socks. What happened to Global Warming? Al Gore, the inconvenient truth is I'm fuh-ree-zing!
Back to the show, this week, after "thousands" auditioned, the top 50 went to "Grease Academy," an actual school where they had group singing, dancing and acting lessons. According to director/choreographer Kathleen Marshall, you have be able to sing, dance and act these days to make it on Broadway. She's obviously never heard of the career of (insert name of actor/actress you hate).
The show started with all the Dannys doing an across-the-floor combination that featured Austin doing his signature fierce battements, and many others doing something that looked like appropriate choreography for "Tomorrow Belongs to Me" (quite frankly, a goosestep: turn out those gams and point those feet!). Then we were off to group singing class where Billy Bush's voice over explained that "one bad note could knock them out of the competition." That kind of tension made me double up my eating of Cinnamon Toast Crunch until the next commercial.
Then we had Danny singing class. Throughout the song "Sandy" there were weird cut-away shots that were supposed to show Jim Jacobs (the composer) not enjoying the singing, but instead they made me want to call 911 because he looked like he was having a petit mal seizure. Note to Jim Jacobs: For your next reality show, have final approval of all cut-away shots in your contract.
All the Dannys and Sandys were gathered because half were going to be cut. A la Vince Fontaine at the Rydell dance, David Ian was going to parade around and, if he tapped you on the shoulder, you had to leave! Everyone was forced to sing "Tears on My Pillow" over and over again til the cuts were made. And, mind bogglingly, they were all forced to sing it in the same octave, which was just high enough to make the boys sound awkward and just low enough to give Lauren Bacall a bright idea for a new audition song.
Just 24 remained for a concert where they'd all perform in groups of four, and then the final 12 would be chosen. In the audience were Barry Bostwick, the original Danny; Marilu Henner, who played Marty; and Marissa Jaret Winokur, who they listed as a Pink Lady, but FYI, also played Jan.
The men did fifties songs like "Jailhouse Rock" and "Crying," and the women did Cyndi Lauper's "True Colors" and the Jackson Five's "I'll Be There." I guess there weren't any girl group songs in the fifties. There were? A ton? Oh.
So, all you fans need to remember that next week's episode begins at 7PM (an hour earlier) and we get to start voting! Also, they teased us by saying 'they're the final 12 . . . or are they?' What the hell does that mean? Is somebody pregnant? Stay tuned!
[Seth Rudetsky is the host of "Seth's Big Fat Broadway" on SIRIUS Satellite Radio and the author of "The Q Guide to Broadway." For two years Rudetsky was the pianist/assistant conductor for the 1994 revival of Grease!. He can be contacted by visiting www.sethsbroadwaychatterbox.com.]