With titles such as Contact, Jane Eyre, Aida and The Dinner Party, you'd think this was a rather staid year for naming theatrical productions. But scratch a little deeper, and you get such monikers as The Tale of the Allergist's Wife, Jesus Hopped the `A' Train and Gorey Details. Turn over the rock, and you get the names below - PBOL's roundup of the goofiest play titles of 2000. God bless us everyone:
How to Explain the History of Communism to Mental Patients (Open Fist Theatre Company, Hollywood, CA, April 2000)
Give Him A Minute He'll Do It Again (Delicious Biscuit company at NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
DADA WHY2K COMPLAINT (performance by DADAnewyorkDADAnynyDADA, Dixon Place, NYC, March 2000)
The Grapes Of Ralph (solo by Mark Malkoff, author of Maybe I Can Get Laid In Jail, St. Mark's Theatre, NYC, February 2000) Angry Jellow Bubble - The Revenge (NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
To Sirloin With Love: A Meat Opera (The Pastime Group at NY International Theater Festival, NYC, August 2000)
Michigan Impossible (Red Road Productions at John Houseman Studio, NYC, June 2000)
Cold Pole, or Boxed Compass in the Yellow Sea (Ontological Theater, NYC, August 2000)
It Came From Beneath The Kilt! (Doctor Emile's Theatre at San Francisco Fringe Festival, CA, September 2000)
Lori's Love Lounge Presents The Parade Of Posers Castaway On Kokonut Island (performance revue at Performing Garage, NYC, June 2000)
The Complete Lost Works Of Samuel Beckett As Found in an Envelope (partially burned) in a Dustbin in Paris Labeled "Never to be performed. Never. Ever. EVER! Or I'll sue! I'LL SUE FROM THE GRAVE!!!" (Neo-Futurists at Neo-Futurarium, Chicago, IL, 2000)
The Cosmonaut's Last Message To The Woman He Once Loved In The Former Soviet Union (La Jolla Playhouse, CA, August 2000)
The Sad Misadventures of Patty, Patty's Dad, Patty's Friend Jen and a Bunch of Other People (reading at Williamstown Festival, MA, July 30)
Viva Los Alamos, a Theatrical Parody Purporting to be a Previously Unreleased Film Starring the Late, Great King of Rock and Roll, Not Licensed by or in Anyway Affiliated with His Estate, in 3-D (NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
Walter Wannamaker, Day At The Plate vs. The Downtown Demons', Monster On The Mound (one-man show at Ruby Theatre of The Complex, Hollywood, CA, October 2000).
Gary Grinkle's Battles With Wrinkles and Other Troubles in Mudgeville (Long Wharf Theatre, New Haven, CT, educational tour, December 2000)
My Tired Broke Ass Pontificating Slapstick Funk (world premiere at East West Players, Los Angeles, CA, March 2000)
Sista' Scrooge ("featuring the sultry vocal styling of Cantrese Alloway as the cantankerous Eloisa Scrooge... If you miss this one, `you must be Humbuggin'"; New York Comedy Club, NYC, December 2000)
I Didn't Ask For Bare-Chested Men Singing Doo-Wop (NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
Foxy Ladies Love / Boogie 70's Explosion! (revue at Duplex, NYC, Jan-April 2000)
70 Sucks (solo comedy at Whitmore-Lindley Theatre, Los Angeles, CA, August 2000)
The Bastard Love Child of Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben (Looking Glass Theatre, NYC November 2000)
I Am Star Trek (Dysfunctional Theatre Company at NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
It's Christmas, Carol (holiday show with a female Scrooge; Eureka Theatre, San Francisco, CA, December 2000)
TRAGEDY: A Tragedy (a tragedy by Will Eno. Thirteenth Tribe, Ravenswood, IL, March 2000)
Friendship, Death...& Singing (one-acts; Producer's Club, NYC, August 2000)
Thankless Jobs Of The Apocalypse (NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
Why We Don't Bomb The Amish ("...promises to answer those nagging questions...`What are United Nations office parties like?' and `What stinks on the Downtown Number 6?'" St. Mark's Theatre, NYC, January 2000)
White Trash Wins Lotto ("Satirical look at the rise to fame of Guns N' Roses, and Brian Beacock portrays none other than Axl Rose himself." PS 122, NYC, June 2000)
Trailer Trash Tabloid!: The Mobile Homo Sex Scandals, Murders & Other Unnatural Disasters Of 1964 (Pink Flamingo Productions at San Francisco Fringe Festival, CA, September 2000)
Hanging Lord Haw-Haw (Empty Space, Seattle, WA, April 2000)
Dr. Constance Cumming Wants to Help You Get Laid (Theatre Crisp at San Francisco Fringe Festival, CA, September 2000)
Fucking A ("a modern riff on `The Scarlet Letter'." Infernal Bridegroom Productions at DiverseWorks, Houston, TX, February 2000)
Sport-Fuckers ("trashy comedy about Christian swingers"; Theater for the New City, NYC, June 2000)
Fuck You, or Dead Pee Holes ("An American tale in thirteen acts... After a classroom is held hostage by three villains, hilarity ensues." The White Trash Hamsters at Present Company Theatorium, NYC, December 2000)
Oculingus ("An evening of eye-lickin' good sketch comedy"; NY Comedy Club, NYC, June 2000)
Brighton Beach Scumbags (BlackIRISH Productions at Elephant Space of the Lillian Theatre, Santa Monica, CA, March 2000)
Back Seats & Bathroom Stalls (Horse Trade Theatre at KGB, NYC, May 2000)
The Ballad Of Crappy and Seapole (According to Shempco) (PS 122, NYC, December 2000)
From Shit Grows The Roses (play by Anna Budd; San Francisco Fringe Festival, CA, September 2000)
Out of Uranus (The Chainsaw Boys at Surf Reality, NYC, February 2000)
Dong Dong Touching The Moon (Kitchen Center, NYC, May 2000)
My Penis -- In and Out of Trouble (San Francisco Fringe Festival, CA, September 2000)
Clowns In The Vagina (NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
Menstruation, Manipulation, Mutilation, Herstory (The Estro Tribe at NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
Bitch Witch Vamp Tramp Virgin Whore Goddess (The Estro Tribe at Independent Theatre, NYC, December 2000).
Auto-Trains, Fire Ants and Lesbians (Flatiron Playhouse, NYC, November 2000)
Menopausal Gentlemen (La MaMa Annex, NYC, December 2000)
Common Things About 10 Dicks From Philadelphia (Empire Theater Company at Currican Theater, NYC, May 2000)
Love Stiff - A Comedy Of Terrors (Fools Company at NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
It Came From Beneath The Kilt (Doctor Emile's Theatre Tremendo at San Francisco Fringe Festival, CA, September 2000)
Bed, Boys & Beyond (musical revue at Duplex Cabaret, NYC, March 2000)
Psychos, Sickos and Strangers: A Collection of Love Stories (one-acts; Producer's Club, NYC, January 2000)
Tofu Goes Hollywood (Asian-American sketch comedy by Cold Tofu troupe, Theater/Theatre, L.A., CA, June 2000)
Who Chops Foo II ("The piece fuses together meditational tableaux, exstatica and morose contemplative motifs." Dean Street Field of Operation at PS 122, NYC. January 2000)
Kate's Chinkorama Featuring the Chinkorama Dancers (Mixed Breed Productions at NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
Lashings Of Whipped Cream, A Session With A `Teenage' Dominatrix (Aroha Productions at NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
How To Be Sawed In Half (Athenaeum Theatre, Chicago, IL, August 2000)
Blood Type: RAGU (solo at Belmont Playhouse, Bronx, NY, January 2000)
Jack The Ripper Slept Here: An Underground Comedy (Theatre Au Naturel at San Francisco Fringe Festival, CA, September 2000)
The Vomit Talk Of Ghosts (part of Elkan & Kosmas' Little Theatre at Tonic Club, NYC, March 2000)
"Yes, Billy! It's OK to Laugh at the Man in the Wheelchair!" (Donny's Skybox Studio Theatre, Chicago, IL, August 2000)
Authenticity Killed The Cat (Fluxworks at Donny's Skybox Studio, Chicago, IL, January 2000)
Circumference Of A Squirrel ("Meet Chester, a 27-year-old man whose acute fear of squirrels provides a humorous and poignant backdrop for his search for a deeper relationship with his father." Zachary Scott Theatre Center, Austin, TX, April 2000)
Toad a la Mode (children's piece, Actors Theatre of Louisville, KY, July 2000)
Disco Pigs (NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
Black Butterfly, Jaguar Girl, Pinata Woman and Other Superhero Girls Like Me (Actors Gang Theatre: Hollywood, CA, June 2000)
Shirley Chickenpants (sketch comedy troupe at HERE, NYC, October 2000)
The Gospel Of Cyrus According To Cyrus (satire in rhymed verse by Chris Talbott about a drunken hillbilly chosen by God to stay drunk and build a religious cult. Theater for the New City, NYC, February 2000)
Slick Kadmon V. God (Audacity Productions at NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
Laodamia: Queen Of Epirus (1689 drama at Looking Glass Theatre, NYC, March 2000)
Ferdydurke (City Garage Co. & Arden 2 at City Garage, Santa Monica, CA, April 2000)
FrankenClown (NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
The Chemical Wedding Of Christian Rosenkreutz (multi-media piece by Troika Ranch at HERE, NYC, June 2000)
No One Will Marry A Princess With A Tree Growing Out of Her Head! (Kennedy Theater, Hawaii, September 2000)
The Devil, Doctor Faustus, and Raymond the King of Hungary (adaptation of Christopher Marlowe's Doctor Faustus; Random Acts Theatre Company at San Francisco Fringe Festival, CA, September 2000)
Bad-Ass & The Devil (Half Cocked Productions and the Space at the Space, Chicago, IL, September 2000)
SWISH-PAN: Tech Baby Kills History! (Digit Collaborative at NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
The Miseducation of Dr. Laura (gay sketch comedy by Gayco Productions at Donny's Skybox Studio Theatre, Chicago, IL, June 2000)
7 1/2 Habits Of Highly Effective Mistresses (revue at Cornelia Street Cafe, NYC, April 2000)
Feeling Sorry For Roman Polanski (Tight and Shiny Productions at New York City Comedy Club, NYC, November 2000)
We Can't All Be Matt Lauer, or Bobby Rivers' Misadventures in Broadcasting (Miranda Theatre, NYC, USA)
The Miracle Of Patti LuPone And Other Gifts From God (one man show; KRUSH at Collective Unconscious, NYC, March 2000)
fag/hag (Fringe Fest - Charas/El Bohio, NYC, August 2000)
Bless Cricket, Crest Toothpaste And Tommy Tune (children's show focusing "on Cricket, a middle to high school aged girl who struggles with embarrassment and frustration concerning her older brother Tom. Tom's current obsessions are his tap shoes and the music and movies of legendary tap dancer Fred Astaire, Gene Kelly and Tommy Tune... Though she loves her brother, Cricket is deeply embarrassed by him and doesn't develop friendships easily for fear she will be `found out.' She desperately wants to `fix; her brother's `problem' and proposes an impossible science project to cure Down Syndrome." Dallas Children's Theater, TX, May 2000)
The Burden Of Sunflowers: Love Story for Queer Boys In The City (NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
Cock Healer (78th Street Theater Lab, NYC, December 2000)
EAT ME [sic] (NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
Swallow Me Whole (Smut and Mud and Angels Ensemble at NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
Swallow Your PRIDE [sic] (NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
Southern Baptist Sissies (Zephyr Theatre, Los Angeles, CA, September 2000)
Mary Purdy's Comedy Hour, or Why Jerry Lewis is a P****! (revue at Miranda Theatre, NYC, March 2000)
Noses Off (New York Goofs at the Flea Theatre, NYC, February 2000)
HA!HAmlet (Markus Zohner Theatre Company at NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
Why Mudflaps? (Dramatic Women at NY International Fringe Festival, NYC, August 2000)
Happy Endings Are Overrated (San Francisco Fringe Festival, CA, September 2000)
GOOFY SYNOPSES:
Hotel California ("A comedy about a ruthless Belgian mercenary who gives up his life of killing for the cabaret." Horse Trade Theater Group at KGB Complex, NYC, January 2000)
Godbaby ("A fast-paced pageant of hysterical Christian history... From Popes to Protestants to Prostitutes, Godbaby is the second coming of comedy." Defiant Theatre: Chicago, IL, June 2000)
The Baddest Natashas ("includes cat fights, stowaways, obsessive-compulsive monologs [sic], off-stage killers and a mix of live performers and videotaped spectres." Ontological Theater: NYC, August 2000)
Cannibal! The Musical ("Based on the true story of Alferd [sic] Packer, the only man ever to be convicted of cannibalism in US history, Cannibal! the Musical is a hilarious, irreverent and yet strangely respectful tale of six guys who lost their way...but not their appetites. Think Oklahoma! meets Alive!"; John Waldron Arts Center, Bloomington, IN, October 2000)
Biotech ("It's a sci-fi thriller in which the world's leading chemical companies conspire with its foremost trade and banking institutions to take over the world by seeding a Lower East Side community garden with a genetic composite of a man's penis and a potato (the domineering hybrid will be known as `Dick Tater')... But the boodlers and mad scientists haven't counted on Alberto the gardner. He was born in Esperanza Garden because his mother was evicted from her tenement and her HMO coverage didn't kick in for two weeks after the baby was born. Alberto can talk to plants and he's a natural leader in the fight to keep the garden theirs and the food supply pure." Theatre for the New City, NYC, August 2000)
It's Better To Give ("What happens when determined blood donors are confused with ardent sperm donors in a local clinic? Mayhem! Biological clocks are ticking, a nervous husband is trying to comply, a retired Army colonel is hell-bent on giving, and harried nurses mix up the juice cups with the sperm cups..." Reading at Theatre in the Square, Marietta, GA, February 2000).
-- by David Lefkowitz, Christine Ehren & the staff of Playbill On-Line
