Read the Lyrics to Neil Patrick Harris' Tongue-Twisting Oscars Opening Number By "Frozen" Songwriters

News   Read the Lyrics to Neil Patrick Harris' Tongue-Twisting Oscars Opening Number By "Frozen" Songwriters
 
How do you make a great opening number for the Oscars? Get a bunch of Broadway talent to do it.

The production number, "Moving Pictures," sung by Tony-winning Academy Awards host Neil Patrick Harris and "Into the Woods" star Anna Kendrick, was written by Academy Award-winning "Frozen" songwriters Robert Lopez (The Book of Mormon, Avenue Q) and Kristen Anderson-Lopez (Up Here).

Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez
Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez

The visuals edited Harris into classic films from "The Wizard of Oz" to "Star Wars" to "Into the Woods."

The middle section of the song, as sung by Jack Black, aped Stephen Sondheim's "Witch's Rap" from Into the Woods, and he warned Harris that he would be “better off polishing your Tony." Kendrick drove him off by yelling “Beat it” and flinging her Cinderella shoe at him.

The Lopez's graciously shared the lyrics to the song with Playbill.com. Check them out below.

NEIL

CHECK OUT

THE GLAMOUR

THE GLITTER

PEOPLE TWEETING ON THE TWITTER

AND NO ONE’S DRUNK AND BITTER YET CAUSE NO ONE HAS LOST!

 

LOOK AT

THE DIAMONDS

THE DRESSES

PEOPLE GOING TO EXCESSES

THE STRESS IS ON AND EVERYBODY’S FINGERS ARE CROSSED

WE KNOW THE SHOW IS LOVE SO WE'RE BEHAVING OUR BEST

BUT I SECRETLY HOPE SOMEONE PULLS A KANYE WEST

 

(Points to Clint Eastwood)

 

BUT WE ARE HERE TONIGHT

WITH OUR XANAX AND DIOR

THANK YOU LISTS AND PUBLICISTS

WHO FOUGHT THE OSCAR WAR

TONIGHT WE TOAST WHAT WE LOVE MOST

AND I AM THRILLED TO BE YOUR HOST

CAUSE  

ALL OF IT IS FOR:

 

MOVING PICTURES

SHADOWS AND LIGHT

LIKE A MAGIC TRICK

DONE IN PLAIN SIGHT

WHY DO WE LOVE THEM?

WHY DO WE CARE?

WHEN THEY’RE JUST MOVING PICTURES

THAT AREN’T REALLY THERE?

 

BUT THEN I THINK OF CHAPLIN

AND MONROE

AND ARGO

AND FARGO

OR WHEN MARTY MADE HIS CAR GO BACK IN TIME AT THE MALL

 

AND THEN THERE’S BARDOT

AND BRANDO

AND BILLY DEE AS LANDO

OR WHEN SHARON WENT COMMANDO AND UNSETTLED US ALL

 

I GASP WHEN INDY GOES BACK FOR HIS HAT

OR WHEN I THINK OF ALL THE TENSION BETWEEN BEN & MATT

 

(spoken)

Oh my stars. . .

 

I LOVE TRANSFORMERS THAT TRANSFORM 

AND PERFECT STORMS THAT STORM

SMALL TOWN GIRLS WHO CHANGE THE WORLD

BY CHALLENGING THE NORM

GODFATHER TWO

THE MOVIE “CLUE”

ALL THESE FILMS INSPIRE YOU

TO STAND UP AND PERFORM!

 

MOVING PICTURES

TAKE US OVER THE RAINBOW ACROSS THE FIELDS OF OUR DREAMS

IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT TO DEFEAT AND TO FIGHT EVIL SCHEMES

TO SWIM OR TO SWING

TO DANCE OR TO SING

TO FLEE DOWN A FLIGHT IN FRIGHT

YES, MOVING PICTURES

ARE COMING TO LIFE TONIGHT

 

ANNA

NEIL

MOVING PICTURES

 

 

 

WHERE IS MY SHOE?

 

 

 

Why, yes!

(Harmony)

BACK TO

MOOOOOVING PICTURES

 

AND ALSO IMPROVE YOU

 

I LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS

EXCEPT FOR IN GONE GIRL

WHEN THAT LADY SLIT YOUR THROAT!!!

 

(Counterpoint)

MOVING PICTURES

 

 

IS THIS YOUR JIMMY CHOO?

 

 

(Harmony)

BACK TO

MOOOOOOVING PICTURES

AND HOW THEY CAN MOVE YOU

 

THE JOY OF PRETENDING

 

 

 

 

 

 

NEIL

Spoiler alert.

 

ANNA and NEIL

MOVING PICTURES --

 

JACK BLACK

Stoooooppppppppppp!  (beat) This is what you’re being like:

 

JACK BLACK

“MOVIES MOVIES

WOW THEY ROCK!”

 

WELL, ONCE THEY DID

BUT LISTEN KIDS

IT’S ALL A BIG CROCK

NOW IT’S MARKET TRENDS, FICKLE FRIENDS AND HOLLYWOOD BALONEY

BELIEVE ME NEIL, YOU’RE BETTER OFF JUST POLISHING YOUR TONY

THIS INDUSTRY’S IN FLUX

IT’S RUN BY MUCKAMUCKS

PITCHIN' TENTS FOR TENT POLES

AND CHASIN’ CHINESE BUCKS

OPENING WITH LOTS OF ZEROES

ALL WE GET ARE SUPERHEROES

SUPERMAN. SPIDER MAN, JEDIMAN

BATMAN , SEQUELMAN, PREQUELMAN – FORMULAIC SCRIPTS

AND AFTER FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY THEY’LL ALL HAVE LEATHER WHIPS!

IN A WORLD WHERE OUR BRAINS ARE BECOMING MACHINES

THE ONLY SCREENS WE’RE WATCHING ARE THE SCREENS IN OUR JEANS!

 

NEIL

 

YES GREENLIT FILMS CAN STALL

 

ANNA

SCRIPTS CAN HIT A WALL

 

NEIL

STARS MAY PASS,

 

ANNA

OR FIRE YOUR ASS

 

NEIL

AND WEEKLY GROSSES FALL

BUT WHEN THEY HIT

YOU MUST ADMIT

THEY SOMETIMES CHANGE YOUR VIEW A BIT

IN WAYS BOTH BIG AND SMALL

 

ANNA

HAVE A BALL!

 

NEIL

MOVING PICTURES

MILLIONS OF PIXELS ON SCREENS

THEY MAY NOT BE REAL LIFE

BUT THEY SHOW YOU WHAT LIFE REALLY MEANS

MORE THAN ANY ONE IMAGE

MORE THAN ANY ONE STAR

TRULY MOVING PICTURES

SHAPE WHO WE ARE

 

WHETHER WE’RE

BIG BRAINED AND BRITISH

OR HIKING AND SKITTISH

A LEGENDARY LEADER

A BIRDMAN IN A THEATER

A BOY WE WATCH BECOME A MAN

A HERO OF AFGHANISTAN

A WEALTHY PHILANTHROPIC CREEP

MAGIC MERYL F-ING STREEP

LOBBY BOYS AND BLEEDING DRUMMERS

ALL THESE AWESOME UP AND COMERS

 

WHO WILL GET A STATUE?

RESULTS ARE COMING AT YOU

AT THE 87th OSCARS MOVING PICTURE SHOW!

*

View the performance below:

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