What You Missed on "Glee": Sue Stoops to Kidnapping as the Invitational Competition Heats Up

News   What You Missed on "Glee": Sue Stoops to Kidnapping as the Invitational Competition Heats Up
 
In this week’s "Glee", the Warblers and the New New Directions compete at the Invitational while Sue goes to criminal lengths to get Kurt and Blaine back together.

Lea Michele and Becca Tobin
Lea Michele and Becca Tobin Photo by FOX

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6.5: "The Hurt Locker—Part Two"

(Air Date: Jan. 30, 2015)

So last week’s episode was a bust, yes? It can only go up from that hot box of insanely disturbing, right? Okay. Here we go. Grab your margaritas, kids, it’s gonna be a bumpy 43 minutes.

We begin right where the last episode ended, with Vocal Adrenaline ending their adrenaline-charged performance on the McKinley stage. The New New Directions offer traumatized golf claps, and Sue (Jane Lynch) returns to the stage for a few announcements...mainly, that she herself will judge the competition. Wait, they didn’t determine who would serve as judge beforehand? Will (Matthew Morrison), of course, objects, but Sue declares that McKinley is her school now. “My school, my rules!” And speaking of rules, she’s only now, after the first team has gone, going to share what the competition rules are. (Sigh.) Most importantly, the “12-member-minimum” rule will be in effect, even though everyone last episode said that it wouldn’t be. (Another sigh.) Okay, whatever. In some ways, this episode is even less logical than the last one. Sue, or episode writer Ian Brennan being meta, calls this “The only show choir rule anyone remembers, and yet every year is surprised by.” ...Not entirely wrong, there.

So, the invitational is now going to be a three-day-long competition. Huh? Three choirs sing two songs each and that necessitates three days of two choirs missing school and oh, never mind, who the hell cares? Sure, it’s now a three-day competition and the Warblers and Vocal Adrenaline will stay at McKinley until it’s done. One of the Warblers protests the length of time they’ll be at the school, and his cohort asks where they’ll sleep. “I imagine you two will sleep inside one another,” Sue quips.

When Kurt (Chris Colfer) protests that this is insane (right on, Kurt), Sue insists that all groups will perform, “even if one show choir’s co-director is kidnapped and held against his will, causing him to miss the performance.” Well, that doesn’t sound like incredibly creepy foreshadowing at all. Especially since she’s looking right at Kurt as she says it. Whatever.

Sue leaves the stage, and Rachel (Lea Michele) runs up to Will to complain about him not throwing his team under the bus for her benefit, because that kind of defines Rachel in a single moment. “I guess you’ll just have to beat us on your own terms,” he says with an unkind smile. “You know what?” Rachel yells as he walks away. “We’re just gonna find a way to win on our own terms...which is exactly what you just said.” Left alone with Kurt, the two co-directors lament Vocal Adrenaline’s talent and the New New Directions’ lack of membership. “We have two days,” Rachel says in problem-solving mode. “We have to recruit new members and put together some sort of performance that doesn’t totally humiliate us as a team.” Kurt suggests recruiting Kitty, the only Old New Directions member left since Sue expelled all the other students. Rachel doesn’t like the idea, especially since she was “so intent on being a Broadway star” that she didn’t learn any of the former members’ names once she graduated. “There was Puck’s brother and then there was cross-dressing Mercedes and the one with the fat mom and, whatever, Raider.” “Ryder,” Kurt corrects her. “See? I was awful to them!” she wails. Yeah, because all high school graduates are expected to know the names of the students who follow them in clubs years later. Then again, considering William McKinley High School seems to be an endless labyrinth from which no student ever really leaves, maybe she’s right. Moving on. Kurt promises to help Rachel secure Kitty’s membership, and Sue watches, glaring.

Chord Overstreet
Chord Overstreet Photo by FOX

Breadstix. Kurt is having dinner with Walter (Harry Hamlin) for the second time, and wonders in a voiceover if this is a date or if they’re just friends. “Okay, Kurt, whatever you do, don’t just come out and ask him,” he orders himself, and out loud immediately says, “So, what’s going on here? Would you consider this a date?” (“Damnit!” his voiceover wails. Heh.) “Do you want it to be a date?” Walter asks. Deciding that they’re having fun, Kurt says that yes, he does want this to be a date, so they raise their glasses in a toast. But who’s there to take their orders? Why, it’s our own Sue Sylvester! She suggests a “Shirley Temple in a sippy cup” for Kurt, and a “chalky can of Ensure” for Walter. Leaning down to ask Kurt about his “great-granduncle,” she sticks an “I <3 Old People” pin to his shirt. Turning to Walter, she pops a “Klaine” pin on his, and offers a “children’s menu” for “Baby” and an early bird menu for “Old Timers.” Kurt apologizes for Sue’s behavior, but Walter thinks she’s hilarious. “When you’re as handsome as I am, very little bothers you,” he explains to Kurt with a wonderfully cool, collected and calm smile, which he promptly turns on Sue. “Ma’am, just how old are you?” Oooh, she just got ma’amed! Sue, not expecting to find her match in a gay late-middle-age recent divorce who’s dating a college student not yet old enough to legally drink, scowls. “34,” she says with a snarl. Kurt scoffs, and I actually laugh. Well played. “I will be right back with your hemorrhoid pillow,” she continues, trying (way too late) to save some dignity. Kurt and Walter clink their water glasses. “To our second date,” Walter says with a smile. Okay, he lied on his dating website profile, but I officially like this guy.

In the hurt locker, Sue and Becky (Lauren Potter) watch a video of Kurt and Blaine kissing. “Theirs is a love for the ages,” she sighs. “But, Coach, they’re barely looking at one another!” Becky protests. “That’s because their chemistry is so intense that  if they were actually to make eye contact, oh my, the emotion would be such they’d have to disappear behind the nearest dumpster and just hump, hump, hump, hump, hump.” Oh, Ian Brennan, you can make everything sound so, so creepy. Becky wonders where Sue got the video clips, and Sue demures that she has cameras everywhere. “But this is like a dream sequence,” Becky wails, speaking for everyone who still wants some slight shred of reality or logic in their musical comedy. “How can you film that?" “Becky, shut up. You’re ruining this, honey.” “But it looks like they don’t even like each other!” Becky continues. “Sweet, simple Becky,” Sue coos, untypically condescendingly to her protege, “you have so much to learn about love.” “What are you talking about?” Becky snaps. “I have a hot boyfriend!” Yeah, where is Darrell, anyway? Oh, right. College. Where most kids go when they graduate high school. What a concept. Sue vows to get Kurt and Blaine (Darren Criss) into “a small, confined space where they’re forced to gaze into each other’s eyes. And then, Becky, then the stinky frottage will commence.” Oh, God. Moving on.

Hey, look! Here’s an actual current student in the McKinley hallway! Woah! Rachel runs up to Kitty (Becca Tobin) and tries to prove that she even knows who New Quinn is. “Your name is Kitty Wilde. You were named after a Bruce Springsteen song. You don’t trust newspapers because you think that they lied about Watergate. You once beat up a mascot at a Little League softball game for trying to start the wave with everyone. You say that your favorite color is Jesus, you prefer Triscuits over Wheat Thins and sometimes you don’t wear underwear, but I got that last one from Artie.” Kitty asks if Rachel is trying to pick her up, and snarks that if she wants to get “lezzie” with a cheerleader, everyone wants her to hook up with Quinn. Ha! Nice shout-out to Season Four! Rachel protests that Kitty matters to her. “So that I don’t feel like I’m being used when you ask me to join the Glee Club?” “Pretty much,” Rachel acknowledges. Kitty calls Rachel out on her nonsense, calling her an “inherently selfish person” and noting that Rachel rarely asks people what they think. “And when you do it’s usually in the context of ‘What do you think about me?’” she adds. She praises Will’s accomplishments over the past five seasons and insults the New New Directions, who she describes as “a chubber, a transfer student and a bizarro Jaime and Cersei Lannister and an advisor who’s gonna jump ship as soon as the real world invites her back to the stage.” Can we take that as a Broadway reference? Since (spoilers) this is the fourth episode in a row with nary a showtune in sight, I’m gonna say yes.

Rachel follows Kitty into an empty classroom, reminding her how much she loved performing with the Club. “I did love it,” Kitty acknowledges quietly. “Santana’s cruelty definitely scarred me for the rest of my life, but I know that the Gee Club needs a top bitch to keep everyone in line,” Rachel points out. Kitty says the she “invested everything” in Old New Directions, and all her old friends deserted her. (To be fair, it wasn’t exactly their choice to get expelled by Sue, was it? “The only reason I’m here is because Sue needed me for Cheerios,” Kitty laments as the world’s tiniest violin plays a mournful solo. It must really suck to be popular, talented, respected and in-demand, Kitty. “I missed singing and dancing and being in the choir room. But I know Sue, and I know you, and I don’t want to jump back in only to have my heart broken in a few weeks when it all goes away.” Smart girl, that Kitty. She knows this show pretty well. “This is real,” Rachel assures her. “I’m not going anywhere until my job here is done and the Glee Club is back at McKinley permanently. You have my word: You come back, and we’ll see this through together.” Kitty bites her lip dramatically.

Matthew Morrison
Matthew Morrison Photo by FOX

Meanwhile, Kurt and Blaine meet in hallway and chat like old friends. Blaine just used the faculty bathroom (since he’s now a teacher), and brags that it feels grown up. They agree to walk to the auditorium together (the Warblers are about to sing) and continue chatting as they notice an elevator in the hallway that has never been there before. A sign above says that "this is an elevator to the auditorium,” so Kurt pushes the call button and the two get on when the doors open. The doors close behind them as they notice that the elevator has a door to a bathroom. “What kind of elevator is this?” Blaine asks, perhaps only now wondering why he hasn’t seen construction crews installing any heavy machinery over the last several months, which would be necessary for both a real elevator and a really obvious fake like this one. And...the auditorium is on the school’s second story? That seems counter-productive for loading in sets and heavy props. But, hey, who needs logic when you only have six episodes to go? “I don’t think this is a real elevator,” Kurt says, about a full minute behind the audience. Aww, Kurt, c’mon. You never get stuck carrying the idiot ball for an episode. Sigh. Commercial.

In the auditorium, Rachel frantically tries to contact Kurt, who is not responding to her calls or texts. (So the fake elevator is also a dead zone for cell phones? Sure, why not?) Sue makes an announcement before the Warblers sing. “I have just been informed by the Head Warbler, whose name is Tristan or Crispin or Montague or something annoyingly fey, that their coach is currently missing, which, of course, is a shock to all of us” she says. “Blaine, our hopes and prayers are with you. But the show must go on! Ladies and ladyboys, I give you the Dalton Academy Warblers!” (Nice homophobia there, Sue.)

The Warblers perform “My Sharona,” and they actually do a good job with the single verse and chorus they get before segueing into “You Spin Me Round,” dancing in perfect sync.

Except for the lighting, this is probably the most accurate representation of a real show choir performance, and they do a lovely job with it. (They’d probably do a better job if Telly Leung were still a member of the cast, but that’s beside the point.)

Sue walks into the boys’ locker room with the pocketwatch already raised. Sam (Chord Overstreet) takes one look at it. “And I’m already hypnotized,” he deadpans. God, I’m glad Chord Overstreet has comic timing or this storyline would be even more agonizing than it already is. Sue tells him that “Operation Break Rachel’s Heart While Sabotaging the New Directions” is proceeding very nicely. “Have you thought about using a shorter name for your operation?” Sam asks. Sue gives him a list of three terrible songs for New New Directions to sing for their performance at the Invitational tomorrow—the worst Glee Club set list in human history, she adds: “Ascension Millennium” by Corey Feldman, “Dear Mr. Jesus” and “Justified and Ancient.” (“Hands down, the worst song ever written,” she declares. I dunno, Sue, have you heard any of the score to Joseph Brooks’ "In My Life?")

Lauren Potter and Jane Lynch
Lauren Potter and Jane Lynch Photo by FOX

In the choir room, Rachel is on the phone with the police, trying to file a missing person’s report on Kurt. The police officer on the other end of the line, however, saw her TV series. “Yes, I’ve taken acting classes!” Rachel snaps. “Hello? Hello?” Heh. Sam walks in, still hypnotized, and gives Rachel Sue’s selections for the Invitational. “I don’t know these songs,” Rachel protests. “You will,” he says, “and as your future husband, I demand that you do them. Oh, God, you’re hot,” he adds as he leans in for a kiss that Rachel leans back to avoid. “I’m crazy in love with you,” he declares, still mostly deadpan, which is the only thing that makes this moment bearable. “You told me not two days ago that you were in love with Mercedes,” Rachel counters, but Sam dismisses his ex and leans in for another kiss until Rachel snaps her fingers and breaks the spell. Sam looks around, trying to figure out where he is and what’s just happened as Rachel steps away from him. “I need my friends and you’re starting to freak me out a little bit.” Only a little bit? Sam, back to himself again, apologizes. “I don’t really understand what’s been going on with me lately,” he says. “I just have these big gaps in my memory. Like, even bigger than normal.” I cringe at the reminder that he’s being manipulated and violated. This is still not funny, Ian Brennan. Ugh.

Sam promises to support Rachel however she needs, and she asks him to fInd Kurt—and to find seven new members for the Glee Club. (Wait, I’m bad at math, but don’t they need eight? Have they confirmed that Kitty is joining? Whatever.) She also passes up on the songs, which is kind of a shame, because "Glee" covers of those numbers would have been the stuff of legend.

Inside the fake elevator, Blaine is banging on the doors even though Kurt says no one can hear them. (Because...why, exactly? That hallway seems to get plenty of traffic. Ugh, I know. Logic. Whatever.) Kurt’s phone is dead, and he and Blaine argue and bicker, and a panel opens up in one of the walls. Smoke pours out, and a Jigsaw-esque puppet of Sue (like, you know, from the Saw movies? Because why not have shout-outs to a horror film series that outstayed its welcome five years ago?) rides in on a tricycle. The puppet (which has an awful, distorted mechanical voice that makes it very difficult to understand the dialogue) announces that the two captives will be forced to eat each other and suffocate if they can’t find a way out. But if they kiss, they’ll be allowed out right away. The two immediately lean in for chaste pecks, but the puppet protests. “I want to see you really go at it!” When they refuse, the puppet announces that they will be kept overnight and that the temperature will increase, forcing them to take off their clothes. Furthermore, a picnic basket is pushed in through the wall, filled with gourmet fare and a cabernet. (Are these kids supposed to be 21 yet? I have no idea what the timeline has become on this show anymore.) “Don’t fight the Klaine romance!” the puppet orders as it wheels away. “We are not going to kiss for your amusement!” Blaine yells. You tell ‘em, Blaine.

Kitty walks into Rachel’s office and says that she is in. (So, yes, seven new members). She and Rachel hug. “Where is everybody?” Kitty asks. Rachel says that she pushed rehearsal back by an hour because she is looking for a set list for tomorrow. “That’s so Mr. Shue I can’t decide if it’s sad or adorable,” Kitty says. “Adorable,” Rachel answers. But Kitty has a solution! Since Sue is the judge, Kitty knows where to find songs that she knows the principal will like.

Quick cut to Sue’s office, where Kitty is breaking in while Rachel holds a flashlight. Rachel acknowledges that she shouldn’t let a student do this—and, besides, they’re probably being recorded. But, nah, Kitty already cut the main line for the security cameras (so does that mean Kurt and Blaine aren’t being recorded, either?) and the alarm. Once in the office, Kitty reveals that she has acquired passwords to Sue’s computers and locked files by bribing Becky with international candy. “I don’t want to know what ‘ThunderBolton69’ means,” she adds as she accesses the system. Sue’s computer has a conveniently hidden list of emotionally vulnerable songs that, of course, Kitty can access and download. And oh, my God, is this a shoutout to how silly and adorably over-the-top "Glee" was in its first seasons? I’m impressed. More than that, I’m...I think I’m smiling. Woah.

Locker room. Spencer (Marshall Williams) is diagramming football strategies (or something), and Sam comes by to shoot down his (Spencer’s) dream of being quarterback, calling him a coward. “Are you calling me as wussy?” Spencer asks angrily. “Yes, I am,” Sam snaps, noting that he’s seen Spencer “skulking” around the choir room and watching the club. “I’m walking a tightrope, man,” Spencer says sadly. “I gotta be tougher, stronger and more manly than anyone else on the team because if they smell even a little bit of gay on me, I’m not their teammate anymore. I’m just another homo.” Sam argues that “times have changed,” but Spencer counters that if he joins the Club, “everything I worked so hard for is ruined.” He does, however, want to join (“I’m a frickin’ rock star, man!”), but he’s “stuck singing and dancing alone in my bedroom because I don’t want anyone to think that I'm gay.” Wait a tick, isn’t he already out? Doesn’t he credit "Modern Family" with giving him the courage to be a proud, gay football player? Whatever. Moving on. “I got your back,” Sam assures the football star, telling him that no one will judge him. Finn, Sam points out, was the school’s quarterback back in the day. “When he joined the Glee Club, it changed everything here forever,” Sam says. “Pick up where he left off. It will be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.” Spencer sighs. Commercial.

Jane Lynch
Jane Lynch Photo by FOX

Choir Room! Next day! (And Rachel is still wearing yesterday’s clothes—were she and Kitty breaking and entering all night?) The New New Directions gather, and Madison McCarthy (Laura Dreyfuss) is surprised that Kitty has joined. “Someone has to stop you from marrying your brother,” Kitty snarks back. Roderick (Noah Guthrie) tells Rachel that there’s a police officer in her office.  

And hey, it’s Dalton Rumba (Michael Hitchcock)! Remember him from Season One? (You know, when the show was just fun and silly?) He was the deaf choir coach who was half-deaf himself. Turns out, his choir fell apart in the intervening years and he’s now a part-time cop. “And a part-time mixed-martial-arts instructor.” Searching through the office (and throwing papers everywhere), he repeats everything Rachel says because he’s half-deaf and because this show now goes for the lowest common denominator in humor. Sure, let’s make fun of the hearing-impaired. That’s totally in the spirit of the program that promoted equality and respect for everybody. Rumba opens that Kurt and Blaine must have run back to New York, where they belong. “You don’t belong there,” he adds to Rachel. “You're a quitter.” Heh. “You quit Broadway, you did that horrible TV show--you get what you deserve, sister!” He’s not a fan of Karofsky, either. “Once a bully, always a bully.” Too true. He thinks maybe Karofsky kidnapped Blaine and Kurt, or maybe Rachel, a homicidal maniac, killed them and cooked them up for the New New Directions to eat. Ugh, whatever, I was wrong. I thought the show was getting back to its over-the-top roots with this ep, but it’s just more unfunny bad writing.

Returning to the choir room, Rachel hands out sheet music to her students, declaring that their previously planned Bruno Mars setlist was too predictable and that these new songs will create an “emotional resonance.” Jane (Samantha Marie Ware) actually gets a line in this episode and says that they don’t have time for weekly lessons. Kitty rises to the defense and tells her four cohorts to trust Rachel, who has “more talent in her little finger” than anyone else in Lima. Rachel tells the kids that Sue hates her and them, but that being in Glee Club isn’t about winning competitions, but about taking pride in their work and in themselves. “We may not always win, but we’re not going to go down without a fight.” (Oh, don’t give me an opening like that, Rachel.) She says that they may need to pull an all-nighter (so she’ll still be wearing the same clothes tomorrow? Again?) and Spencer walks in, suggesting they get pizza and root beer. He’s joining, and Dalton Rumba watches from the office.

In a crowded school hallway where literally anyone could hear someone banging on the metal doors behind which Blaine and Kurt are trapped, we see that the fake elevator now has an “Out of Order” sign on it. Inside, the prisoners eat their meal and agree not to kiss and try to escape and take turns napping.

In the auditorium, the five New New directions (shouldn’t they automatically be disqualified?) are preparing to perform. Rachel goes over to Will and apologizes for her behavior. “I was totally out of line. You were right.” Woah. How did those words taste in your mouth, Rach? She acknowledges that Will was just doing his job, and that she understands now that teachers must be devoted to their students. “It’s a lot harder to be devoted to kids I don’t particularly like,” he admits, which...wow, really? You’re gonna say that out loud where one of those kids could hear you, Will? No wonder they don’t like you, if you say crap like that within earshot of the people you’re supposed to be mentoring.

They reconcile and hug, but Will says that he’s mad that Rachel played “dirty tricks” on him, including stealing his bills. “I never did that!” she protests, and rather than drag the moment out, they both realize who specializes in playing dirty tricks like that. Speaking of the devil (literally?), Sue calls the New New Directions together and mentions that her bag of rotten tomatoes is “getting restless.” Will tells Rachel to appreciate Sue: “A good nemesis only makes you better.” Or, you know, kidnaps you or uses mind-control to sexually violate you. Practically the same thing.

Back in the elevator ex machina (as it were). Kurt and Blaine are playing games to pass the time, remembering their relationship fondly, but Blaine kills the moment when he brings up Karofsky. The Sue Jigsaw puppet rides back in through the hole in the wall and announces that some kind of Viagra-like drug in gas form (whatever) is filling the room, because what says “romance” louder than kidnapping and forced sexual assault? Seriously, what kind of demons is Ian Brennan trying to work out with this episode? “If you choose to resist, you choose to die,” the puppet declares. Blaine laments that he wants to get out, and Kurt looks at him, concerned at what he’s suggesting. Commercial.

Becca Tobin
Becca Tobin Photo by FOX

In the auditorium, Sue apologizes for the New New Directions. Sam alone applauds as the five singers step into the spotlight. Kitty and Spencer sing lead on “It Must Have Been Love,” and from the wings, Sue watches, horrified.

Split scene! In the bathroom, Kurt and Blaine discuss kissing, and agree that it won’t mean anything. “Sue is forcing us!” Kurt says. “Forcing us,” Blaine repeats.The puppet counts three, and in slow motion, they kiss, and the moment goes on for a while as the Sue Puppet cheers and the choir sings. Still in slo-mo, the former couple runs down the hallway, pulling their clothes back on.

They hurry into the auditorium where the song is in progress and—wait, if Sue is in the auditorium, who’s operating the puppet in the elevator? Becky? We got to see her in a lobster costume this week but we can’t see if she’s manipulating a puppet this week? Ugh, whatever, asking for logic in "Glee" is like asking for sensible internal rhymes in Tim Rice lyrics. (I’m just teasing you, Sir Tim. Love ya!)

Not willing to interrupt the competition to deal with the return of two people who have been missing for more than a day, the New New Directions move on to their second song. Roderick sings lead on “Father Figure.” “All my emotional triggers!” Sue says in voiceover. “How can this be?” She has flashbacks to watching Republican presidential candidates lose in 1996, 2008 and 2012. In the present, she watches the singers, who are actually really good. Will bops along to the music in the audience.

Oh, the New New Directions get a third song? I guess because they’re the host school? Okay. Mason (Billy Lewis Jr.) and Madison sing lead on “All Out of Love,” and Sue mouths the lyrics in the audience while having flashbacks of failed screen tests for “Star Wars,” “Pretty Woman” and what looks like “Scarface.” Kitty smiles knowingly. (And Jane Lynch looks like she’d be a damn good Tony Montana. Remake?) The choir finishes in an excellent harmony as Vocal Adrenaline rises for a standing ovation and Sue sobs. In spite of their recent kidnapping and sexual assault, Kurt and Blaine smile at one another from across the room.

Sue announces the competition results. In short: The Warblers come in third and second place goes to Vocal Adrenaline. The New New Directions win, even though, as Sue notes, “they were sitting on stools and singing in unison!” The only person in the audience is Sam, but he cheers loudly for his team.

Backstage, Clint (Max George as Vocal Adrenaline’s new lead singer) rips on Will for letting them fail. “You care more about your prodigal troll, Rachel Berry, than you do about us,” he snaps. “I’m a senior! This matters to me! So you’d better watch your back.” “Don’t talk to me like that! I’m your coach and your teacher,” Will snaps back. Too late, Will. You have to demand respect from the beginning, otherwise you’ll never get it. “We’ll see about that,” Clint says as he exits.

Sue comes over and announces that she’s actually happy. The performances “purged” her anger. But, no, she hasn’t changed much: Sue holds up the green plastic fork from the beginning of the last episode and with some rather repulsive insults, berates Will for making her clean up after him. If he ever does it again, she adds, she swears to "sweet holy Satan” that she will end him. Okay, is this the end of this asinine storyline?

No! We still have four-and-a-half minutes to go! In Sue’s office, Kurt and Blaine yell at Sue for her crime, pointing out that she could go to federal prison for 20 years. And seriously--Sue’s antics have been an over-the-top highlight of this show since the beginning, but the last two episodes just took it too far. Can this be the end of the meanness?

Anyway, Blaine says that Sue’s machinations to drive them back together as a couple have backfired, and that their experiences have reinforced their strengths as friends. “We should actually thank you."

Sue:Well then, thank me.

Blaine: Thank you.

Kurt: Don’t actually thank her!

Me: Heh.

Accepting the breakup, Sue mocks each of their new boyfriends with some really cruel insults that I don’t care enough to transcribe. Ugh, is it over now?

No! Two-and-a-half more minutes. At Sue’s Hurt Locker, she paraphrases Rust Cohle from "True Detective": “This place feels more like somebody’s memory of a storage unit and that memory is fading. It’s like there was never anything here but jungle...And time? Time is a flat circle. And we have had a most awesome week, Becky. Honestly, what we accomplished in this week feels like two week!” Becky points out that Sue’s plans failed, but Sue says that this is just week five of her scheme (wait, what episode number is this?) and that Kurt and Blaine are friends again. She still has six more weeks for scheming. “Possibly seven, based on network preemptions,” she amends.

In the choir room, Rachel displays their little trophy, and Kitty praises the team’s accomplishment. “I expect to make fun of all of you at some point: fat kid, gay boy, creepy incest twins, other girl. But I never want to hear any of you disparaging the things that we do as a team.”

Roderick interjects to thank “Ms. Berry and Mr. Hummel” for bringing the team together, and I wince at the thought that these kids are now old enough to be a on a last-name basis with their students. Kurt teaches them their pre-show “Amazing” cheer, so they all put their hands in. One, Two, Three—”Amazing!” they shout. And we’re finally done.

So, yet again, no showtunes. (This makes four weeks in a row—does anyone care enough to check and see if this is a record for the show? I don’t.) And, perhaps more importantly, this the first episode in which none of the main cast sang. At all. May the next episode be better.

*

The Hurt Locker—Part Two (Air Date Jan. 30, 2015)

Guest stars:

Max George as Clint

Harry Hamlin as Walter

Michael Hitchcock as Dalton Rumba

Songs:

"My Sharona" by The Knack (The Warblers)

"You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)" by Dead or Alive (The Warblers)

"It Must Have Been Love" by Roxette (New Directions

"Father Figure" by George Michael (New Directions)

"All Out of Love" by Air Supply (New Directions)


 

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