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ONSTAGE & BACKSTAGE: Austin, Derek and Mr. Karp
By Seth Rudetsky
08 May 2007
Whadda week! The last seven days had more beefcake in 'em than a Naked Boys Singing open call.
Monday night was the first Mr. Broadway contest. It benefited the Ali Forney Center, which shelters homeless gay kids. Shockingly, in this day and age, many gay kids are forced to live on the streets because their families reject them. I was asked to be a judge alongside the six-packed Scott Nevins and the high G belting Nancy Opel.
Now, I love doing benefits, but this one had the essence of a probable stinker. A male beauty pageant? I smelled a drunken cat-calling audience. A talent segment? I had a vision of having to sit through everyone's audition song ("Anthem," "She Loves Me" and "Sara Lee.") A swimsuit competition? Hmm. I didn't have a bad feeling about that. In fact, that's what got me to the theatre. Anyhoo, Nancy, Scott and I waited backstage with trepidation, but from the moment the opening number started, we were severely pleasantly surprised. It was great! There were seven contestants: Mr. Wicked, Mr. A Chorus Line, Mr. Mamma Mia! , Mr. Curtains, Mr. Hairspray, Mr. Tarzan and, the title Nancy Opel thought was the most awkward one to have, Mr. Mary Poppins.
The talent segments were great. Mr. Tarzan said that his plan had been to break a world record in toe touches. He then found out that there isn't one in the Guinness Book, so if he simply did two, he'd be a record holder. But instead of a world record, he decided to beat his personal best and do more than 30, which is what he once did at the theatre. Throughout his whole explanation, Nancy Opel was looking nonplussed. She later admitted that she didn't know toe touches were Russian splits (jumping in the air in a split and touching your toes). She thought it literally meant bending down and touching your toes. She thought, "What the hell's the impressive part?" Anyhoo, Mr. Tarzan wound up doing 51 toe touches! I thought the next day Tarzan audiences might hear, "At this performance, the role usually played by Nick Sanchez will be played by somebody who can walk."
The most outrageous talent was Mr. Mamma Mia!'s (Frankie James Grande). He did the Golam from "Lord of the Rings" as a contestant singing on "You're The One That I Want." It was phenomenally daring because it could have bombed bigger than The Blonde in the Thunderbird, but the audience ate it up. As a matter of fact, he was the winner!
The interview segment was informative and funny and culminated with me asking Mr. Chorus Line what he would do if he was on for the role of Val and had to sing "Dance: Ten Looks: Three." What would be the assets that he'd substitute for T and A? I ran to the piano and gave him an intro, and he launched into singing his greatest strength: "Jump spli-i-i-its!" He then demonstrated one. He jumped up, and micro-seconds later landed on the floor in a full 180 degree split. Incredibly impressive!
Then came swimsuits. As for the drunken cat-calls I had dreaded, they issued forth not from the audience, but from all three judges. Holy Moley! Mr. Curtains was wearing a sassy little number, and when he turned around, he was able to open the "curtains" and give everyone an eyeful! And Mr. Chorus Line wore a tiny suit that showed everyone you could put something extra large into something extra small.
At the beginning of the evening, we found out that when Mr. Curtains was a teenager, he had been thrown out of his house for being gay. But he then told us that he's since reconciled with his Mom, who now works at a shelter like the Ali Forney Center in Utah. Family seemed to be a big theme of the night. Tovah Feldshuh was a brilliant host and at one point told the audience that the two things you have to do as a parent is "love unconditionally and show up." She then gave a shout out to the various family members of the contestants in the audience. I was impressed that so many families came, but I know that I would have been mortified to be in front of my family, strutting my stuff in a dance belt masquerading as a bathing suit. Not because of the lurid sexiness, but because of the amount of love handle jokes I would have to endure at subsequent Thanksgivings. Being with my family is like being roasted at the Friars Club on a night where all the roasters have the same bone structure.
Tuesday I drove up to Albany with my boyfriend James to lobby for Gay Rights. Who knew you could speak directly to your representatives? What a great sense of power! And who knew my boyfriend had never heard my Actors' Fund Hair CD? What a loss for him that I immediately rectified. Luckily the ride was long, so we were able to replay my favorite Shayna Steele riffs in "White Boys" and Julia Murney's amazing rendition of "Where Do I Go." Where do I go, you ask? Straight to the lead in Wicked! Continued...
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