By Seth Rudetsky
18 Jun 2007

He also talked about the sitzprobe, which is the rehearsal where the actors sing with the orchestra for the first time. To go from singing with a rehearsal piano to a full orchestra is one of the most thrilling moments for any company of a musical. I then realized the sitzprobes he's been to. These were the first times these songs were heard with an orchestra: Follies ("Dorothy…they'll be two violins playing as you sing the last line of "Losing My Mind"); Company ("Vocal minority. The brass plays along with you in "Tick Tock" when you go "Dot Dot Dot Dow!"); Promises, Promises ("Burt…what's a Turkey Lurkey? And Donna…doesn't your neck hurt doing that?") not to mention A Little Night Music, Merrily We Roll Along and A Chorus Line. There were many orchestrators on A Chorus Line because everybody was busy that season, and it was a downtown show that no one thought would ever move uptown. That's ironic. Jonathan said he's not 100% sure, but he thinks he did the Opening, "At The Ballet" and "Nothing."

To have been at those sitzprobes and heard all those classics — I want to have some of his memory cells implanted into my brain as soon as that operation is foolproof.

Saturday, I went back to The York to see the Musicals in Mufti series because they were doing It's a Bird. . . It's a Plane. . . It's Superman. My old buddy Stuart Ross directed and milked much comedy out of the great cast. Can I just say, I'm still devastated that Cheyenne Jackson wasn't nominated for a Tony Award for All Shook Up? He has such a fantastic voice and is a great comedian. I thought good looking people aren't supposed to be funny. What happened to "Because I was so odd looking, I learned to make people laugh to get by." It's not supposed to be, "I'm great looking and hilarious…and I have a cool first name."

Saturday night I went to see one of the most talented people I know, Jeff Roberson as Varla Jean Merman. If you haven't seen Varla, get thee to youtube. My favorite number is the "Schoolhouse Rock" parody ("A Noun's a Person, Place or Thing). The verse is about a friend of hers who met a French producer who promised to put her in a film, but she was never heard from again.. The chorus goes: "Oh, any person you can know/Like a desperate girl, or a seedy Frenchman/ And anyplace that you can go-/Like a bar, or the bank of the Seine/ And anything that you can show-/ Like fake credentials, or a snuff film/ You know they're nouns…."

Finally, I want to tell you what Rupert Holmes is most proud of. I interviewed him on Sirius, and he said that his biggest fear is forgetting to turn off his cell phone and having it go off during a show. He said he figured out the perfect ring, so he won't be devastated if it happens. I racked my brain trying to think what it was — coming up only with the notion of downloading a ringtone from each show he sees so the audience will think it's part of the show. He shook his head and held up his phone. He then played me the ring that won't get him busted. (Cough, cough.) (Cough, cough.) That's it! He literally recorded a cough! He said that light coughing is the one noise you can expect to hear in any audience, be it comedy, drama, musical etc. Also, it's his actual cough, so if someone looks over, he can just do it live for theatre verite. Isn't that brilliant?

Okay, everyone. Happy post-Father's Day, and go listen to a brilliant Tunick orchestration and figure out the characters' subtext. And if someone coughs, answer the phone!

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(Seth Rudetsky is the host of "Seth's Big Fat Broadway" on SIRIUS Satellite Radio and the author of "The Q Guide to Broadway." He has played piano in the orchestras of 15 Broadway musicals, and he can be contacted by visiting www.sethsbroadwaychatterbox.com.)

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