By Seth Rudetsky
12 Jan 2009

On Thursday I had the hi-larious Chris Sieber at my Chatterbox. I've actually known him for twenty-one years! He went to AMDA with my college friend Tim, and I met him back in '88. Chris grew up in a farming community in the Midwest and wanted to come to New York to study theatre, but his parents wouldn't pay for it. After high school, he worked for a year at a car wash (like the seventies song) and saved up $5,000, which he thought would last him a few years. Not surprisingly, six months later it was gone. PS, it would have been gone in three months if he were buying cardboard boxes. Chris got his first big break in the bound-for-Broadway show Paper Moon. That was one of those shows that had its marquee actually up at the theatre and was then devastatingly canceled before it ever came to Broadway (like Annie 2 and Busker Alley). He finally got his first Broadway show a few years later playing Agis in Triumph of Love. He actually brought the diary he kept during rehearsals to the Chatterbox. It begins with comments like, "Everyone has a Broadway credit. I'm the only rookie in this cast. Will they like me?" and other sweet/seventh grade girl comments. Chris pointed out that at first the handwriting in the diary is legible, but as rehearsals progress, the writing becomes illegible, the pages are wrinkled from sweat/tears (!) and at one point the word nightmare is underlined, and his pen actually tore through the page. I guess he should have a premonition of doom because he said that on the first day of rehearsal, one of the producers talked about how great the cast was and started mentioning everybody's name, one by one. Right before he got to Chris he faltered and pulled a Maryann/Professor by saying "and the rest." I told the audience how crazy that was because he didn't have that many names to remember. That cast had ten people. Chris corrected me and said "Not ten…seven." He then proceeded to add some more tears to his diary.

When he was doing Spamalot in London, Jason Moore called to offer him the role of Lord Farquaad in a reading of Shrek. It was only half an act at that point, but Chris loved it and has stayed with it ever since. When he was in Seattle with the show (before it came to Broadway), he left me a long message about how much he loved my book "Broadway Nights," which he was reading during tech rehearsal. A. That was very sweet of him B. I just wanted to plug my book and remind you that you can get autographed copies on my website as well as the audio version of it featuring me, Kristin Chenoweth, Jonathan Groff and many other Broadway faves!

Back to Shrek. Chris feels that the creation of the show was similar to Spamalot because he was allowed to improv and add funny lines. He finds it very bizarre to read the final script to Spamalot and see lines in it that he came up with in rehearsal. He made up funny bits in Shrek as well and said the trick is to not ask first and to just do it during the rehearsal. If you ask first, it usually gets an ixnay before it's tried.

He does the whole show on his knees (he has fake legs in front of him which gives the illusion that he's super short), so he has to do physical therapy twice a week. Not for his knees, but for his back, which he's using to support himself. He also said that even though he loves the show, it's essentially incredibly lonely to do. He thinks the ensemble is amazing because they've almost all played principal roles on Broadway…but he's always in front of them onstage so he doesn't get to connect with them there. His costume takes up tons of space around him, so people can never get close enough to chitty chat, and there's no room backstage for a changing area, so he's in a dark corner whenever he has a costume change. Plus, because it's so dark, his dresser can only see how to change him if Chris stands with his face against the wall. Depressing…and a call-back to the last scene in "Blair Witch Project." Remember?

Friday night was a surprise party for Julia Murney thrown by Jen Bender (resident director of The Lion King) and beltress Lauren Kennedy. There were a ton of people there, and Julia's mother told me that Julia was in a foul mood because she had a terrible day. When we all yelled "surprise," Julia put her head to her knees for a full minute. She was so surprised and happy…or doing that move they tell you to do on airplanes to prepare for a crash landing. I did a deconstruction of a video of her singing "People" in the Actors Fund concert of Funny Girl I put together in 2002. She sounds amazing and then ends in her signature pose (that she wasn't aware she ever does): one hand over her chest and one on lower stomach. It conveys the essence of deep emotion/severe indigestion.

Okay, everyone I'm signing off. If you need a box, get one off the street and use your leftover money to see a Broadway show!

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(Seth Rudetsky is the host of "Seth's Big Fat Broadway" on SIRIUS Satellite Radio and the author of "The Q Guide to Broadway" and the novel "Broadway Nights." He has played piano in the orchestras of 15 Broadway musicals and hosts the BC/EFA benefit weekly interview show Seth's Broadway Chatterbox at Don't Tell Mama every Thursday at 6 PM. He can be contacted by visiting www.sethrudetsky.com.)