Last Monday and Tuesday was the 23rd annual Easter Bonnet Competition and it was f-u-n!

Michael Lee Scott wrote the fabulous opening number, and Tammy Colucci did a great job as the choreographer. Aisha de Haas began the number belting "(Broadway Don't You Bring Me) No Bad News" and then it segued to a section where everything went sixties, and the dancers started doing Fosse's "Mexican Breakfast" dance. Throughout it there were breaks where Broadway folks suddenly appeared, a la "Laugh-in," and did jokes. First came Susan Blackwell and Heidi Blickenstaff from [title of show].

SUSAN: Hey, Heidi. I got some good news and some bad news.
HEIDI: What's the bad news?
SUSAN: I got the clap.
HEIDI: Ooh…what's the good news?
SUSAN: I got the clap from Hugh Jackman!

Then more dancing, and Julia Murney joined the ladies.
JULIA: Knock, knock-
HEIDI/SUSAN: Who's there?
JULIA: Phantom Two!
HEIDI/SUSAN: Laughs hysterically…then waits expectantly for the punch line
JULIA: That's it…

SETH: Hey, Julia…I don't get it. How has the recession hit Broadway?
JULIA: (Looking down the line at Aisha, Norm, Susan, Heidi and me) Well, for one thing, we were considered the "big stars" of this number.
SETH: Ouch.

Then, I was to bring out Liza Minnelli. Well, we rehearsed me saying to the audience, "C'mon people! Don't you think we can get a big star? Say, 'Yes!'" Then after they'd say "Yes," I'd say, "Don't you think we can get a Tony Award and Oscar-winning star out here? Say, 'Yes!'" Then I told Liza, who would be hidden, to sing her signature Kander and Ebb phrase, "SAY Y-E-E-E-E-E-S!!!!" and then appear. But she added a "No!" beforehand, as in "No, don't say yes, sing yes!" and then she would sing it. Well, unfortunately, she revealed herself before she sang it, and the audience started applauding so wildly she couldn't sing it. In other words, I kept asking the audience, "Don't you think we can get a big star, say, 'Yes!'" and then Liza stepped forward and said firmly, "No!" With no follow-up. What did the audience think that meant? Why was she emphatically saying "no!"? Did it mean we couldn't get a big star? Huh? But she is a big star? Did they think it was opposite day?

The show was great and at the end Jeremy Irons, Jane Fonda and Susan Sarandon came out to announce the winners. Jeremy Irons was hilarious busting his show, Impressionism. He looked out at the audience and said, "This is the first time I've seen what a full house looks like." Ouchy. Susan Sarandon broke down crying talking about her close friend who died of AIDS a long time ago and how, at that time, it was all very secretive. She told us how great it was to see a whole theatre full of people doing something about AIDS and how happy she was that things have changed and it's no longer taboo to discuss it. Jane Fonda was giddy that not only did the 33 Variations sketch and bonnet win first prize but her show also raised the most money ($183, 546)!

That night I co-hosted the Bistro Awards with Angela LaGreca. The Bistro Awards are given to cabaret performers and they were held at Gotham Comedy Club. First of all, I'm completely obsessed with Marilyn Maye. She is a brilliant performer. You must go see her at the Metropolitan Room in June (www.MetropolitanRoom.com). Angela LaGreca was hilarious talking about working at "The View" as the head writer for Hot Topics. She said that Barbara Walters had two signature expressions she'd haul out when Angela would pitch topics; either "Who cares??" or "I'm not interested!" Angela then said that both those expressions can be used in any situation that comes up in life...and she's right! Try it- Did you know you were speeding, Ma'am? Who cares? You owe $2,000 in back taxes. I'm not interested! The options are infinite.

Angela then reminisced about Ruth Stern, who was an elderly lady who used to book acts in country clubs. Ruth never minced words and would frequently make the acts she booked aware of how unknown they were to the tri-state area. If Angela would balk at the salary Ruth offered, she'd say "Angela! You'll do this country club for the fee I got you. Nobody knows who you are! I call the country club, I tell them 'Angela LaGreca,' they say, 'Whooooo??'" FYI, Alix Korey told me that exact same story but substituted the name "Alix Korey" for "Angela LaGreca."

Wednesday I did my Sirius/XM Live on Broadway with my old friend, Stacey Lynn Brass. Stacey and I both grew up on Long Island, but she actually made it to Broadway 30 years before I did. She auditioned for Annie when it was in its third year and got cast as the swing. If you don't know, being a swing means you understudy lots of parts. In the case of Annie it meant that Stacey understudied all of the orphans. My friend Gordon Greenberg always makes me laugh when he tells me about seeing the Annie national tour (directed by Martin Charnin) and seeing the swing walking around backstage asking (this only works if you add a smoker's voice and New York accent), "Has anyone seen Martin? I need to talk to Martin!"

Anyhoo, Stacey started rehearsals on a Tuesday and a few days later, during the Saturday matinee, she was sitting in the back of the theatre watching the show like she was supposed to do. Suddenly, in the middle of "It's a Hard Knock Life," Sarah Jessica Parker (who was playing Annie) hit her mouth on her bucket and broke her tooth! She went running offstage, and the understudy Annie (who was one of the other orphans) started singing her part. Someone came and grabbed Stacey and brought her backstage. They put her hair in pigtails, slapped a costume on her and the dance captain got out the "show bible" with all the dances and spacing written in it. He said "Remember all of those dances and lines we were going over this week? Well, don't forget…you go here and here and here..." By this point the understudy was singing "Tomorrow" and the next thing Stacey knew, she was on for Pepper! She called her mom during intermission to tell her she was on, but no one answered (it was pre-widespread use of answering machines) and then she called her dad who was at work. When she told him she was playing Pepper, he started to cry. He announced to his co-workers, "My daughter's on Broadway and I'm not there to see it!" The good news is Stacey was on many more times, and her parents got to see her in a variety of roles. Stacey's going to do the sold-out act she did this past winter this coming summer. Go to www.StaceyLynnBrass.com for deets. And ironically, it'll be in July…which is the name of another orphan!  Continued...