*****

Hello! I'm back from Alaska, or as my tenth grade health teacher would call it, "Alasker."

Let me give you a full cruise recap. And by "full cruise re-cap," I mean skipping the part where a "fan" came up to me and told me how he listens to me all the time but wasn't happy to see me when I boarded the boat because I'm always so annoyingly "hyper" on the radio, and he would constantly wonder how many cups of coffee I'd had. But, he continued, after a full week of seeing me perform, he now likes me. Apparently, he couldn't just tell me the second part, it was important for me to know how much he initially disliked me. I'll also be skipping the part where a passenger said with a straight face, "I think you and I are the same age…48." At least my age has gone down from my 60's.

Okay: First day on the boat. We boarded the Norwegian Star at around 11 AM, and I pretty much went right to rehearsal. Rosie wasn't on the cruise because she's filming the Showtime series "Drop Dead Diva," so I hosted the opening show. It opened with a parody of "Fame":

She then changes into a sassy vacation outfit and sings about how this week she'll be free as she pulls her bra out from under her shirt. I changed the part where the back-up people normally sing, "Remember, remember" (pronounced "Remem-bah") to "Wear no bra, wear no bra…" And, PS, I know that "am" and "lesbian" is a false rhyme, and I'm mortified. But, on a side note, and as a diversion technique, let me tell you something I noticed while recently listening to My Fair Lady. In the song "Why Can't the English" Henry Higgins says that people who speak English improperly should be taken out and "hung." Shouldn't it be "hanged"? Am I crazy? Isn't he busted as a so-called expert on the language? Isn't that the ultimate in irony, hubris and another AP English word?

Okay, back to the show. Kate Pazakis sang the phenomenal Jason Robert Brown arrangement of "One Hand In My Pocket" (available on her CD at www.KatePazakis.com), and Tituss Burgess sang an incredible version of "Meadowlark" that ended on a D. As in one step below Patti LuPone's high note in that song. Crazy. Then the fabulous Marya Grandy sang "I Have Nothing." She has such an incredible voice and can literally sing anything. She reminds me of Judy Kuhn in terms of her versatility. Marya did her own act on the boat, and I was so impressed with her delicious clear tone, no matter what the note was. I posted an old clip of her when she first sang a solo on the cruise. Rosie does this "I don't know who this is" intro to make the audience think that Marya is gonna clank and then, of course, she shocks them by sassing it: http://sethrudetsky.com/blog/. Then Natascia Diaz sang and danced "America". She's such a star onstage. I'm obsessed with her story about playing Anita with the New York City Ballet when they did the Jerome Robbins tribute and on the way home from the theatre, she had a bruise on the top of her forehead. She finally realized that when she did the final leaps at the end of the song when her foot is supposed to touch the back of her head, she was bending so far backwards that it was hitting her forehead! AMAZING!

Cheyenne Jackson came out and sang his beautiful version of "A Change Is Gonna Come," and the audience loved it — partly because the song is so appropriate in terms of marriage equality, partly because he sounded fabulous and partly because his face and body put you in a happy trance. Here's a video of him singing it last year at the NYCLU benefit: http://sethrudetsky.com/blog/2008/07/26/cheyenne-jackson-at-nyclu-benefit/. Speaking of that annual benefit, it's happening tonight! Lots o' Broadway stars and I'm playing and hosting. Go to www.nyclu.org/bway for tix.

The show ended with the whole cast backing up powerhouse Mary Bond Davis as she sang her Hairspray song, "Big Blonde and Beautiful." But to make it more appropriate for the cruise, and because the song was introduced by Judy Gold who stands at 6'2", the title was changed to "Big, Gay and Beautiful."

The next night was Cheyenne Jackson's show, which is a combination of beautifully sung and hilariously funny. However, he's on my S list. Cheyenne always keeps my music for me and gives it to me right before the show. As I was flipping through it, around 15 minutes before the show, I saw that the first song was missing the last three pages!!! Luckily, it was mostly a repeat of the first few pages and all I had to do was transpose it. Phew. Then the show began, and I noticed that "Something About You" from Altar Boyz was missing two pages…but this happened while I was playing it. It was horrifying. The song began, Cheyenne was singing, I turned a page and there was nothing there. It's like driving a car and, Bugs Bunny-style, you're suddenly off a cliff and there's nothing underneath you. Well, I've played the song before and somehow my fingers kept going and I got through it. It did age me, however, and I guess I have Cheyenne to thank for looking 48. Maybe that's his Dorian Gray trick. He makes people around him older and haggier so he constantly stays stunning. Or maybe I'm just old and haggy.

At one point, Cheyenne talked about applying a "man tan" before the show. I piped up into my microphone and asked him what brand he used. A sassy lesbian in the audience shouted out, "Cover Girl?" He sassed her right back with a, "Like you'd know!" From one stereotype to another.

On Tuesday Andrea McArdle did her show and told the audience that she almost couldn't go on because she had an abscessed tooth and was waiting to get it drained once we hit Canada. She told everyone that she was taking a pain killer but wouldn't mind some more. Cut to, after the show, Andrea was backstage and I exited through the theatre. So many people came up to me: not to tell me how great the show was, but to pull me close and whisper in my ear, "Listen, if Andrea needs some Percocet/Xanax/Vicodin etc…, I have some in my bag." Stop! When did I become her drug dealer?

Wednesday night was the hilarious Caroline Rhea. I loved the fact that she busted herself for not being that famous. She talked about going to airports and hearing "Look! It's Charlotte Rae!" and she'll have to say, "No…Charlotte Rae is 80." She also told us that when she finally does run into a real fan it usually ends with them saying, "Um…I gotta go."  Continued...