By Seth Rudetsky
11 Aug 2009

On our first full day in London we took the London Eye, which is an enormous ferris wheel that turns super-slowly and goes high enough so you can see many of the famous sights: Westminster Abbey, Big Ben, Parliament, Buckingham Palace, etc. We then walked through a gorgeous park to get a closer look at Buckingham Palace, and I commented how clean everything is even though it's impossible to find a trash can. We found out that they limit the amount of trash cans because they're nervous about terrorism. But, I also saw a big sign telling people that cigarette butts are still considered litter, and I noticed that even though so many people smoke, there aren't butts all over the ground like in NYC. I don't know why people in the U.S. who generally throw out all refuse think that if a cigarette is mostly smoked, it doesn't exist when put on the ground. It's like the unfunny refrigerator magnets that say "Crumbs Don't Count." Actually, crumbs do have calories, and a cigarette on the street is littering. Next question.

Thursday afternoon we met an old friend of mine, David Bedella, who won the Oliver Award for playing Satan in Jerry Springer—The Opera and is about to do a year- long British tour as Dr. Frank N Furter in The Rocky Horror Show. We all went for a traditional English tea at The Orangerie, which is a beautiful restaurant on the grounds of Kensington Palace. At one point, The Orangerie was used to grow oranges and the "great" part is, even though it's now a restaurant, it still maintains the tropical temperature necessary to grow oranges and/or make me covered in sweat within two minutes of being seated. Nonetheless, it was delicious and I felt very British — if "British" means "needing a shower desperately."

That night I had a lovely dinner with my friend John Reid, his partner James and Jonathan Phang. I've never met Jonathan before but he pretty much got me my job in Britain. Jonathan was a successful manager of high fashion models and was recently a judge on "Britain's Top Model." He's also friends with the head of the TV show, and she called and told him that she needed a Broadway expert from America. He told her that I was perfect for the gig. He had never met me, but was a fan of my deconstruction videos and told her to contact www.SethRudetsky.com. Brava worldwide web! John Reid worked as manager for some of the biggest musicians in the world (Elton John, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Michael Jackson and Freddie Mercury), and he also became a fan of mine because of my deconstruction videos. He told us that he made reservations for me, James and Juli at The Ivy Club, which is a super swanky eatery near our hotel. As soon as we walked in, the hostess looked horrified, and I thought we were being busted for not having jackets. Turns out, children aren't allowed! What the-? I was looking forward all day to a delish meal so I was prepared to give Juli 20 pence and directions to Burger King, but John had a word with the powers-that-be and next thing we knew, we were at a lovely table for six. John's partner James is about to start the musical theatre writing program at NYU, so we found out that by coincidence we're all flying to N.Y. on the same day. Then I saw my first West End show! It was Sister Act and ironically my premiere foray into British theatre had music by Alan Menken and lyrics by Glenn Slater, but it was in a real live West End theatre with a (mostly) British cast. British people may be reserved in restaurants, but in the theatre there are no holds barred. Throughout the show they were whooping, cheering, clapping along and saying "awwww." I felt like I was in old Music Hall. The next night we saw Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, which I was not in the mood for but wound up totally enjoying. And, even though it's not recommended for children under 16, Juli loved it. There wasn't anything bad for kids except the F word numerous times. But it was classed up by being spoken with an Australian accent. It's a jukebox musical, so it was fun to hear "Go West," "Don't Leave Me This Way," "Hot Stuff" and even "I've Never Been to Me." The show is different from the movie because instead of having the drag queens lip-synch to pre-recorded songs, it's theatricalized by having them lip-synch to women singing live, hanging above the stage. James and I were trying to cast the Broadway versions of both shows, and so far we think the Mother Superior part in Sister Act should go to Betty Buckley and the drag queen with a son in Priscilla should be played by Raul Esparza. The one negative thing that I noticed is that there seems to be a penchant for "sweetening" in British theatre (supplementing the ensemble numbers with pre-recorded singing) which I H-A-T-E. This lip-synch-fest has infiltrated its way to certain shows on Broadway, and we have to stop this British invasion before the Great White Way sounds like the "I Heart Broadway" review at Six Flags over Stratford.

The little boy role in Priscilla… is shared between five kids, even though he's only onstage in the last 15 minutes of the show. James and I are fascinated with the dichotomy of child safety in England. Kids cannot do eight shows a week and an adult is not allowed to take photographs of their child in a playground if there are any other children in the photo. Yet, kids can ride bikes without safety helmets, and children are allowed to sit up front in the passenger seat. I guess playing Annie eight times a week is much more dangerous than driving on a highway while sitting comfortably in what's known as "the death seat."

The night we saw Sister Act was incredibly British because John is so connected. The other people he invited to join us were two sisters who are both members of Parliament and one is a Baroness, as well. An actual Baroness. It was so A Little Night Music. Plus, sitting right in front of us was John's good friend, Joan Collins! PS, she's in her late 70's and looks fabulous. The two sisters were so nice and hooked us up with a private tour of Parliament, and it was amazing. One of the buildings is 1,000 years old! Almost everything in England is from at least a hundred years ago and has such history. As opposed to a brand-new apartment building in my neighborhood that's still being built and literally calls itself "pre-war." First of all, if it's brand new, how can it be "pre-war"? Or… what do they know that we don't know? Is the owner of the building Nostradamus?

In conclusion, my trip to England was a ton of fun, or as they would say, a kilo of fun. As soon as I get back to New York, I begin rehearsals for Seth's Broadway 101, which is playing every Sunday night at Ars Nova for the rest of the month. This week the show has me and my full ensemble plus Doug Kreeger, Gay Willis, Andrea McArdle, Andy Karl and Celina Carvajal. OK. I finished this on the plane, and it took forever to write. And, I have another fours left on the flight! Oy. I need to take a nap. I better put on the movie version of Mamma Mia! Peace out!

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Seth Rudetsky is the host of "Seth's Big Fat Broadway" on SIRIUS Satellite Radio and the author of "The Q Guide to Broadway" and the novel "Broadway Nights." He has played piano in the orchestras of 15 Broadway musicals and hosts the BC/EFA benefit weekly interview show Seth's Broadway Chatterbox at Don't Tell Mama every Thursday at 6 PM. He can be contacted by visiting www.sethrudetsky.com.