By Seth Rudetsky
08 Sep 2009

Margaret Cho, whom I love, performed here but her show was the same time as mine so I couldn't go. But Aaron is up here visiting, and he went to the show. He said that there were tech problems at that show, too! The opening act was a comedienne name Selene Luna, and in the middle of her set, her microphone totally went out. She told the audience that the whole sound system was going to be re-set and after it was, she'd start again. Selene went backstage, the sound was re-set and she came back on and started her set again, which was going great. Then, as she was telling a story that was building to a climax, she got to the part right before the hilarious denouncement, and all the lights went out! Aaron said there was total darkness onstage… and then just the sound of her voice was heard saying "Punch line."

Margaret Cho then came out and set up a computer. The computer had a voice that spoke, and as it did, Margaret "acted" along with it. Turns out, she had lost her voice! She didn't want to cancel the shows, so she brought her comic friends to P-town to perform for the bulk of the show and programmed all of her new jokes into the computer. The computer said them as she mimed them. Aaron said it actually went over great. It was hilarious to hear Margaret Cho-style jokes in the voice of a computer. Unfortunately, the computer also started having tech problems and began telling all the jokes in a row without any pausing. Margaret finally hauled it off the stage. But the craziest part that happened was when a heckler kept yelling at one of the comics, "Take off your shirt!" Margaret's tolerance was low because of the tech issues and the heckler pushed her over the edge. She ran to the front of the stage and told the heckler to "Shut the **** up!" And if he didn't, she'd "kick him the **** out of there!" But, because she had literally lost her voice, she gave him that sass completely silently and all the audience could hear was air coming out of her mouth. They had to read her lips to get the message. It was essentially a performance art combination of Patti LuPone and Marcel Marceau.

	Mrs. Danvers and Mrs. Danvers

The one show I was able to see was the brilliant Varla Jean Merman, who did a "children's show" called Varla Jean and the Mushroom Heads. There were so many great moments. At one point she showed a picture of her doggie whose name (in real life) is "Mrs. Danvers." Mrs. Danvers was the evil housekeeper in the film "Rebecca," and as I was sitting up proudly because I knew exactly where the doggie's name came from, Varla said, "If you know that reference, you're gay…and old." Her honesty was not refreshing. Speaking of obscure references, she asked an audience member his name, and he said, "Garrett." Varla clarified it with, "Garrett? As in Edna?" Brava call-back to "The Facts of Life"! Then, because the show was supposedly for kids, she did a Schoolhouse Rock-type segment. Varla said that Schoolhouse Rock taught her nouns and adjectives, but for this show, she wanted to focus on gerunds. I couldn't figure out where she was going with the joke. She said that adding "-ing" to something makes it a gerund, and if it's not followed by a verb, it's a "single gerund." Then, Beyonce-style, she started calling to "All the single gerunds, all the single gerunds." Then she and the Mushroom Heads began doing the moves from the Beyonce video while singing, If you like it, then you oughta put an "ing" on it! Make a gerund with a verb by adding "ing" on it. I loved it. Varla's about to go on tour doing a hilarious live movie parody called Shut Up, Sweet Charlotte. Go to www.VarlaOnLine.com to get tour dates and see great Varla videos.

All right. Sadly, have to leave P-town behind but I hope I get to come back next summer. James and Juli had to leave on the train a day early because Juli's school is about to begin, and I wanted to fly fabulous Cape Air back to New York, which leaves directly from here, but the flights I wanted are sold-out. So I have to get a lift at 7:30 in the morning to Hyannis, and there I'll board a bus to Boston. When I finally get there, I'll take a plane back to New York. All in all, the trip will "only" take me six hours. It sounds just as much fun as the way up. Peace out!

Seth Rudetsky is the host of "Seth's Big Fat Broadway" on SIRIUS Satellite Radio and the author of "The Q Guide to Broadway" and the novel "Broadway Nights." He has played piano in the orchestras of 15 Broadway musicals and hosts the BC/EFA benefit weekly interview show Seth's Broadway Chatterbox at Don't Tell Mama every Thursday at 6 PM. He can be contacted by visiting www.sethrudetsky.com.