By Seth Rudetsky
21 Jun 2010

OK, back to America for a recap of last week. On Wednesday I interviewed Bryan Batt, who just came out with a book about his childhood called "She Ain't Heavy, She's My Mother" (available online and in bookstores). Essentially, he would regale his friends with his south of the Mason Dixon line childhood memories, and one day Paul Rudnick said, "Either you turn this into a book or I will!" Bryan and his partner run a store in New Orleans called "Hazelnut" (www.bryanbatt.com ) but spend time in NYC. A few years ago, Hurricane Katrina was aiming towards Louisiana, and they were in New York. His goddaughter called and told him that she'd handle it. She boarded up the store and drove his dog and his mom to Texas before the storm hit. He and Tom wanted to thank her, so they planned a big vacation with her to Paris. Right before they were about to go on the trip, Bryan was offered an audition for a TV show…but it was in the middle of his vacation week. Of course, I would have cancelled that vacation faster than you can say deperaux, but Bryan told his agent that he couldn't make the audition and if they didn't find someone, he'd love to come in after he got back. He went to Paris, had a great time and when he got back, they held another round of auditions. Normally on TV, you audition for the casting person, then the creative team and then you have the big, scary final audition for the network. Bryan went in once for the creator of the show and got cast as Salvatore on "Mad Men." And had his delicious Paris vacation! Best of both mondes.

He told us that he was the understudy for the lead in The Scarlet Pimpernel, and his most mortifying moment onstage happened on the night he completely split the back of his pants! Unfortunately, he was then supposed to be led to the guillotine with his back to the audience! He looked around at the ensemble and quickly snatched a shawl off of one of the townswomen. He sassily tied it around his waist and then made his way to the guillotine…as The Scarlet Gypsy Woman.

On Tuesday, I went to City Hall because Audra McDonald asked me to play for a big Gay Pride celebration that was headed by Christine Quinn, who's the head of the City Council. Let me just say, it's not fun hanging out with super-celebrities because nobody is interested in talking to you, let alone recognizing your body of work. Not even if you cough the words "Sirius/XM" or "A-mahzing" repeatedly into your fist. But just when I thought I was the most un-famous person in the world and Audra was the most famous, Wendy Williams, who hosted the event, stepped up to the mic to introduce Audra and began with "Audrey McDonald has won four Tony awards…" Just in case we didn't catch the wrong name at the beginning, she ended the introduction with a slow, "Ladies and gentleman…Audrey…McDonald." The good news is she didn't pronounce my name wrong…because it wasn't mentioned. Speaking of being recognized, a woman came up to me at the Tony Awards party and said she wanted to meet me. I modestly asked why (AKA, is it my radio show or my deconstruction videos?) and I prepared myself to respond with either the insightful, "It's wonderful how satellite radio can reach so many" or the inside scoop of "The deconstructions are something I first started just for my friends." As I took a breath to launch into either response, she told me that the reason she wanted to meet me was because she'd "want to meet anybody who worked with Tony Shaloub." Silence. I then muttered "um…I'm not in Lend Me A Tenor". I tactfully left out the part where I had begged and pleaded with my agent to get me an audition (to no avail). PS Who did she think I was? Hottie Justin Bartha? Italian Anthony LaPaglia? Grande Dame Brooke Adams?

Also, I finally saw Fela! on Broadway. I thought Bill T. Jones did an amazing job telling the story of Fela and a brilliant job with the staging. Of course, I loved hearing Lillias White bring the house down with her song in Act Two. At one point, they asked the audience to rise and learn a dance step. I noticed the man in front of me had gray hair but was doing the step full out. Sassy! "Aw…" I thought, "a business man from New Jersey is getting in touch with his inner performer." I then caught a glimpse of his face and realized that his inner performer also had an outer performer…with many Tony Awards. It was Tommy Tune! Either I need glasses or 6' 6" doesn't hit me the way it used to.

OK, now I'm sitting in my stateroom with the balcony door open. We just sailed from Barcelona, and the sun is setting on the Mediterranean. The first stop is Monaco where James and I are going to catch a train to Nice. Romantic! I'd love to write more but quite frankly I just discovered that the main restaurant here has a crepe bar, and it's imperative that I get a chocolate one tout de suite. Until next week…Ciao Bella!

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Seth Rudetsky has played piano in the pits of many Broadway shows including Ragtime, Grease and The Phantom of the Opera. He was the artistic producer/conductor for the first five Actors Fund concerts including Dreamgirls and Hair, which were both recorded. As a performer, he appeared on Broadway in The Ritz and on TV in "All My Children," "Law and Order C.I." and on MTV's "Made" and "Legally Blonde: The Search for the Next Elle Woods." He has written the books "The Q Guide to Broadway" and "Broadway Nights," which was recorded as an audio book on Audible.com. He is currently the afternoon Broadway host on Sirius/XM radio and tours the country doing his comedy show, "Deconstructing Broadway." He can be contacted at his website SethRudetsky.com, where he has posted many video deconstructions.