DIVA TALK: Avenue Q and Fiddler Spread Joy at Easter Bonnet, Divas on Disc Plus News of Wicked Stars
By Andrew Gans
23 Apr 2004
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Stephanie D'Abruzzo and Kate Monsterwitz at the Easter Bonnet Competition
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| photo by Aubrey Reuben | News, views and reviews about the multi-talented women of the musical theatre and the concert/cabaret stage.
EASTER BONNET COMPETITION
The most moving moment of this year's Easter Bonnet Competition was provided by 100-year-old former Ziegfeld Follies dancer Doris Eaton Travis, who has been part of the annual fundraising event for the past seven years. After proving that she can still dance up a storm she took part in the opening number's Conga Eaton was presented with a large birthday cake celebrating her centenary. The delightful dancer then thanked the crowd for allowing her to be part of the competition for so many years and, "more importantly," she said in a choked-up voice, "for the reception you've given me." Truly touching.
If Eaton was the most moving, then the casts of Avenue Q and Fiddler on the Roof, who joined forces for the afternoon's award winning bonnet presentation, provided the funniest moments. Their brilliant skit, entitled Avenue Jew, employed a mix of tunes from both musicals with revised lyrics by Randy Bobish, Rick Lyon, James Valletti, Stephanie D'Abruzzo, Molly Ephraim, Jordan Gelber and Melissa Bohon. I'm not sure what it is about Avenue Q, but whenever I see its talented cast and its wide-eyed puppets, I just feel happy. (I think Q writers Jeff Marx, Robert Lopez and Jeff Whitty are going to have to write sequel upon sequel to the musical to keep D'Abruzzo/Kate Monster, John Tartaglia /Rod/Princeton, Ann Harada, Rick Lyon/Trekkie Monster, et al. on Broadway forever.)
The Avenue Jew sketch began with Trekkie Monster playing the opening strains of Fiddler on the Roof on a fiddle, which he proceeded to eat and destroy after playing a few sour notes. For those who were unable to attend this year's ceremony, I wanted to share the skit with you, and thanks to the gifted and charming D'Abruzzo, who supplied me with a copy of the sketch, here it is!:
(To the tune of Avenue Q opening):
ALL: Dai dai dai (dai dai dai)
Adonoi (nai nai nai nai nai nai)
Oy!
The sun is setting on a Friday
A perfect evening for a Jew to pray
But you've got lots of rules to obey
More than a few!
WOMEN: Prepare the candles and the wine and bread
MEN: Observe the Sabbath like the Torah said
ALL: It's nearly time for a brucha, so what should you do?
Go home to Avenue Jew
You live on Avenue Jew
Your lawyer does too
Your colors are white and blue
When you live on Avenue Jew
You schlep on Avenue Jew
You kvetch on Avenue Jew!
Tevye and Family Enter
TEVYE: Uncle Avram's place must be around here somewhere, Golde. Excuse me, miss...oh...
KATE: Shalom. Welcome to Avenue Jew. I'm Kate Monsterwitz.
TEVYE: Oh, hello. I'm Tevye and this is my family. This is mine...this is mine...this is mine...(sees Little Boy) this is not mine. Who the hell is this kid?
BIELKE: I think he was in Nine, Papa.
TEVYE: Stop following us! Get out! (to Kate) So, well, you're a...um...
KATE: A puppet. Yeah. What's the matter, you got a problem with puppets or something?
(To the tune of "Tradition")
PUPPETS: Who steals the scenes with cute and fuzzy features
Legless furry creatures made of fleece and foam?
HUMANS: And who plays the straight man to these hairy things
And wishes they would just go home?
ALL: The puppets/humans...the puppets/humans...
The puppets/humans!
The puppets/humans...the puppets/humans...
The puppets/humans!
CHANUKAH EVE: I sick of all this upstaging. It hard work to make presence known.
BRIAN: Easy, honey. (To Tevye) Shalom. You must be new to the neighborhood. I'm Brian, and this is my wife, Chanukah Eve.
CHANUKAH EVE: Shalom. I convert for green card.
(Music begins)
GOLDE: What's that music?
KATE: It means a new puppet is entering.
CHANUKAH EVE: God forbid we get new human around here.
Princeton enters
(To the tune of "B.A. in English")
PRINCETON: What do you do with a B.A. in Yiddish?
Who the hell majors in that?
(To Tevye)
Oh, hi. I'm Jewish American Princeton.
SHPRINTZE: Hi, I'm Shprintze. You're cute.
KATE: Hands off, jailbait! I saw him first!
TEVYE: (To Princeton) Oh, no you don't! Look, Princeton, I like you but
PRINCETON: I know, I know
(To the tune of "If I Were a Rich Man")
If I were a human
(All groan. Rod enters.)
(To the tune of "Matchmaker")
ROD: Matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match
Find me a guy, no foreskin attached
Night after night in the dark I'm alone
So find me a top of my own!
(Mrs. Thistletwat enters.)
MRS. T: Roddy! Oh Roddy!
Have I got a guy for you!
He's wealthy! He's gay! And yes he is a Jew
And he's a nice man, a good man, true?
(Lazar Wolf enters.)
LAZAR: true.
TEVYE: Lazar Wolf! You're a fageleh?
LAZAR: I'm a lonely man, Tevye.
(Rod Rushes to Lazar)
SHPRINTZE: Papa, Princeton and I want to be married.
TEVYE: I'll be brief On the other hand on the other hand Tradition sure, go ahead.
(Princeton and Shprintze run off)
KATE: (after Shprintze) Slut!
BRIAN: Chanukah Eve, this reminds me of our wedding day. Chanukah Eve, (to the tune of "Do You Love Me") Do you love me?
CHANUKAH EVE (flatly) No.
ROD: Wait! Lazar, we must first ask permission to wed.
("Hail to the Chief Plays" and a Dubya puppet enters, flanked by Secret Service.)
ALL: It's the Tsar!
ROD: Tsar Dubya, we beg you to accept us!
DUBYA: No, no, no!
(To the tune of "Tradition")
DUBYA: Amendment!
Marriages must be reserved
For the heteros!
None of the gays can ever be wed
That's what I said
That's what I said
That's what I said
(Ben Brantley enters)
BEN: And I said Melanie Griffith was the best Roxie Hart ever!
ALL: Oh my God, it's Ben Brantley!
BEN: Yes, I am!
(To the tune of "It Sucks to Be Me")
BEN: My name's Ben Brantley
I write the Times reviews
Who cares about gay marriage?
Where are all the Jews?
KATE: Oh, come off it, Brantley.
HAVILAND: We all eat bagels.
JAMES: We all have overbearing mothers.
RANDY: And thanks to critics like you, we all feel persecuted.
GOLDE: So everyone's a little bit Jewish.
(To the tune of "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist")
TEVYE: We're a little bit Jewish
BEN: No, you're not Jewish at all!
ANN: It doesn't matter who's Jewish
KATE: Suggesting that you have to be sure takes gall
GOLDE: Oh you read the review?
BIELKE: And it's nothing new that boy from Oz was gay so who do they pick?
ROD/LAZAR: Hugh Jackman's really good, but has he ever sucked d*&!?
ALL: Take some time and think it through
Nathan Lane always plays a Jew
Maybe we should stop this arguing
Jackie Mason did a musical
BEN: and couldn't sing!
FRANCIS: Antonio Banderas in Nine? Not Italian.
NICKY: Idina Menzel in Wicked? Not green.
BRIAN: Toni Braxton in Aida? Not an actress!!!
ALL: Everyone's a little bit Jewish, you see
MELISSA: Not me!
GOLDE: Not me!
BIELKE: I am!
ALL: In theatre you can be whatever you wish to be
God above has always meant
To include everyone in his covenant
Embrace the Jew in you while there's still time
Raise the Manischevitz and L'chaim
CHANUKAH EVE: Everyone's a little bit Jewish!
ALL: Oy!
Other highlights of this year's Easter Bonnet to-do: Cast members from Thoroughly Modern Millie delivered a new song by Kevin Early, "Letters From Home," while reading heartfelt notes from those who have benefited from the funds raised by BC/EFA; The Producers cast spoofed the gay marriage controversy with a witty rewrite of Stephen Sondheim's Company gem, "Getting Married Today"; Phantom of the Opera provided a humorous and surprisingly poignant film tribute to the musicals that have opened and closing during Phantom's lengthy run; and four belty Mimis from Rent Karmine Alers, Caren Lyn Manuel, Dominique Roy and Krystal Washington offered a jazzy take on Jonathan Larson's "Out Tonight" that concluded with a guest appearance by original Mimi, Daphne Rubin-Vega.
The most successful Easter Bonnet Competition ever, the 18th annual event raised a whopping $3,420,537 for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. For more information about the worthy organization, visit www.broadwaycares.org.
Continued...
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