I am over 20,000 feet in the air on my way to Los Angeles. "Bunheads" is paying for my flight, but I decided to fork over $300 to upgrade to First Class. Why not, I thought? It wasn't that much and I knew it would make the six-hour flight truly memorable. I had amazing visions in my head of breezing through security, boarding before anyone else, sitting in a palatial seat and eating a banquet prepared by a "Top Chef" finalist. Whenever I fly United Economy there aren't any served meals so I always wind up getting out my credit card mid-flight and buying one of the pre-packaged meals to eat. I was really looking forward to having a delicious full-course breakfast served to me.
Here's where it all started to go wrong: My cab driver could not figure out where the United terminal was and finally he dropped me off somewhere that looked like it could be right-ish. There was no curbside check-in (?) so I had to go inside and wait on line to check my bag. After a few minutes, I found out it was only for International flights. Wonderful. I took the escalator down two flights and finally got my bag checked. I was then ready to go to security and bypass everyone by using the delicious First Class line. Well, for some reason, the Economy line was much shorter! I was too scared to leave my place in line so I waited and waited. Finally, I put my carry-on through the scanner, had my entire body radiated while someone looked at a nude image of me, and went to the gate. While I was waiting, I checked online and saw that the flight was not serving breakfast as I had fantasized. They were serving lunch. I rushed to the food court to find something to eat before I boarded and bought a bagel from the only place I could find. Yum…delicious bagel, you think? Let me put it this way, the cashier told me she was giving me a 20 percent discount because the bagel was so stale. Yay. I got to the gate, but it was way past the early boarding I had looked forward to. Instead, I arrived in time for "all rows, all rows please" and there was a long line to get on the plane.
|photo by Adam Taylor|
Finally, I sat down in First Class and decided that I would not harp on the lack of a breakfast and instead I would enjoy the luxury I was paying for and order a fattening lunch. There were a lot of choices, but because I'm a vegetarian, my only option was pasta. The flight attendant approached me to take my order and before I could open my mouth, she promptly informed me that they were out of pasta. Yay! SO…I paid for First Class and got to wait in a long line for security, a long line to get on the flight and then had the same rickety-rackety pre-packaged meal I always have when I fly Economy. And I had to pay extra for it! Seriously. When the flight attendant came over with the lunch box, I had to hand over my credit card. I've said it before and I'll say it again: My Personal Shopper Is The Worst!
Yes, I got my script to "Bunheads," the ABC Family comedy/drama with music and dance, and both of my scenes are with Sutton Foster. I already have a sense of how she's going to perform them because I did the table read last week. No, I didn't fly to California to do it, I did it while sitting on my bed on the Upper West Side. Turns out, the cast of "Bunheads" all sat around a big table and they put me on speakerphone. Sutton told me that my phone sat on the table with my name written next to it. When I first called in, Kelly Bishop got on the phone to say hi in her signature baritone voice. I haven't seen her in years (since she did a Chatterbox with me) but I always feel a kinship with her because I've done many performances of Priscilla Lopez's act (her best friend) and because Kelly and I have the same birthday (Feb. 28!). She warned me that it's really disconcerting to do a table read on speakerphone and it was! If you think I overact with mugging, try listening to me attempt to achieve the same bigness with just my voice. I don't know how much I can reveal about the plot but let me give you these shocking tidbits about my character: I play a pianist and my name is Seth.
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