ONSTAGE & BACKSTAGE: Wedding Bells for Seth and James

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22 Oct 2012

Seth and James on a cold, deserted beach in Maine
Seth and James on a cold, deserted beach in Maine

A week in the life of actor, radio and TV host, music director and writer Seth Rudetsky.


It's official! James and I got married last week and it was amazing. Before wedding details, I thought I'd give a little history first. James and I met almost six years ago after my long-term relationship had ended. Right after the break-up, I immediately joined every single dating site possible (Match.com, Jdate.com, OKcupid.com, DesperateAndAging.com, etc…). I had been off the dating market for ten years and planned on spending the next year making up for it. I couldn't wait to have non-stop dates with all different people and was elated when I got an email from DJ Salisbury (a sassy director and choreographer) who wrote that he had seen my dating profile on Match.com and recognized my name from "the business." He then invited me to a game night for singles! I love games so I immediately said yes. It was at a Chelsea restaurant and there were around eight other guys there. Frankly, I was interested in every single one and planned on asking them all out (see DesperateAndAging.com).

Meanwhile, James had just moved back to NYC from Texas with his recently adopted daughter. He was raising her as a single dad. Since it was Christmas time, his mom was visiting, and that allowed him to have a much-needed night out at a movie. Afterwards he stopped by the game night just as we started playing "Apples to Apples," a game where everyone has cards that contain lots of different random nouns, like "The First Day of School," "Madonna" or "The Cold War." Then one person who's the main player for that round puts down an adjective like "Ugly" or "Distressing" and everyone else puts down the card from their hand they think most describes that adjective. The main player then chooses one card he thinks is the most appropriate adjective. The adjective James put down was "important" and I chose the card from my hand that said "Israel." James looked through all the nouns in the pile and rejected mine. I immediately said, "Who's the anti-Semite that just joined the game?" Of course, that could have alienated him, but instead he laughed. Brava for getting my alienating sense of humor! After the game, he mentioned that he had a daughter and I recommended that they come on the rFamily Cruise for gay parents and their kids. Five days later, on New Year's Eve, I emailed him and asked if he had looked into the cruise. He wrote me back a really nice four-paragraph email, and since I was in a very "I'm-going-to-date-everybody" period, I asked him out. At that point, I just assumed he'd be one of the many, many people I'd bedating that year.

We met at Café LaFortuna on West 71st Street and when he walked in, he was carrying a book on how to be more proactive promoting social justice. Uh-oh. Tugging at my liberal heart strings. I refused to be too interested because I had a year of playing the field to look forward to. We had a very nice time and that night he wrote me another very sweet email. Later on my mom called me and told me that she couldn't come into the city the next day to see the Les Miz matinee like we had planned. I knew James would want to go, but thought it was too soon to see him again. Finally, I ignored the age-old advice I've read in numerous Cosmo articles ("Don't Call Him For At Least 24 Hours!") and invited him to Les Miz. Afterwards, I took him backstage and Norm Lewis (who was playing Javert) kept giving me eyes with the subtext of "Brava on the new boyfriend!" I kept glaring back, trying to convey "Cut! He is not my boyfriend. He is one of many boyfriends I plan on having for the next 12 months!"

James and I had two more dates, and soon I was a combination of elated and devastated. Elated because I knew I found someone I wanted to be with forever and devastated because I never got my year of starring in The Best Little Whorehouse on the Upper West Side.


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