By Seth Rudetsky
11 Feb 2008

Nathan Lane in November.
photo by Scott Landis

I'm writing this column on my delicious laptop. I bought it in July, and suffice it to say it was tres cher . . . and by cher, I mean the French word for "expensive," not the English word for contralto with a machine-gun vibrato and never-ending Farewell Tour.

Anyhoo, my boyfriend James has started a blog about being a gay dad (www.gaydadsusa.com). First of all, feel free to visit the site, but please disregard anything that reflects negatively on me. For instance, comments involving me sleeping way too late, references to my apartment as a mess/fire hazard and my late-night consumption of various bowls of Waffle Crisp and/or Cinnamon Toast Crunch should be assumed as artistic license on the part of the author. Anyhoo, James borrowed my laptop, so he could go to a coffee shop in the village and write a blog. In the middle of the afternoon I suddenly began thinking about what would happen if he lost it. I'd have to replace it but would feel awful asking him to pay for it, but I don't have any insurance on it. Anyhoo, that evening I was at Sirius, and I got a call on my cellphone.

"Is this Seth?"
(Distrustingly. Subtext: Aren't I on the "do-not-call" list?)
"Yes…."
"I have your laptop."
What the-!!!!!!!
I got his address and said I'd be right over.

I called James and told him I just got a phone call from a man who had my laptop. "How?" James asked. "I have it here." "You do?" That was odd. I wondered if I was being scammed. Suddenly I heard a lengthy, loud gasp. It was gone. James told me that he had picked up his daughter Juli from school and decided to take a cab home because he had to get her dinner and help her with her homework before we saw Applause that night. He realized he must have left it in the cab because he was in such a rush. (Thank you, Encores!, 7:30 curtain time!) He was so apologetic. I told him not to worry since: a. That morning I forgot my sweatpants at home and had to do a full cardio workout in tight jeans, b. That afternoon I walked a block down Ninth Avenue before I realized that I left my wallet sitting on the floor of The Coffee Pot on 49th Street, and c. That evening I left my Treo cell phone in studio D at Sirius.

Anyway, I advise you all to put a little card inside your computer carrying case with your name and phone number. It worked for me! And, Christine Pedi, my co-host on Sirius, advised me to always leave a cab only after you've leaned back in and looked everywhere…something she calls the "lean and look"… which I've re-titled the "Bend and Snap" in honor of Legally Blonde's Orfeh. Speaking of which, I did a full video blog deconstructing her unbelievable riffs in The Great American Trailer Park Musical. She riffs down and then riffs up the same notes! It's like a staircase of riffs...you must listen! (www.sethrudetsky.com).

Okay…lots of Broadway this week! First of all, I hosted Broadway Backwards 3 for the third time. It's a benefit for the New York Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender Community Center where men sing women's songs and vice versa. But what makes it special is that the director, Bob Bartley, puts the songs in a context so it's about gay relationships. Tony Yazbeck from A Chorus and Aaron Lazar from Les Miz sang "A Boy Like That"/"I Have a Love," and it wasn't about them pretending to be women, it was about a gay man being warned by his brother not to be in love with the wrong guy. And, "I Want It All" from Baby was brilliantly performed by Jose Llana and Gavin Creel as men who were eagerly attending a meeting of "Wanna-be Daddies" at the Center and Brooks Ashmanskas as a guy who was only at the meeting because his partner wanted a kid. Of course, by the end of the number, Brooks was belting "I Want It All!" à la Beth Fowler. It brought ye olde house down. I commented that people always talk about how "gay" Broadway is, but that there are so few actual gay stories that have been told on Broadway in musicals. Off the top of my head, I can think of Falsettos, La Cage and Rent. There are some more, but it seems as though Broadway is behind Hollywood in terms of gay stories. What's up with that? Or as the kids say, what up with that? It was so great to see all different kinds of gay characters portrayed at Broadway Backwards…including Michelle Blakely and Jenn Colella doing Into the Woods' "Hello Little Girl" (the song where the Wolf first encounters Little Red Riding Hood) as a song between an aggressive and a reticent lesbian at the downtown bar Henrietta Hudson. Lainie Kazan sang "The Gal That Got Away," and I wouldn't let her get away til I got a Funny Girl story out of her. I asked her about the first time she went on as Fanny. She said that she was a Ziegfeld girl and waited more than a year before Barbra finally missed a show. Lainie got the call in the afternoon and spent the rest of the day calling everybody she had on a special list….relatives, critics, publicists, etc. Lainie showed up at the theatre…and so did Barbra! She was suddenly well enough to go on. Hmm…. The next day Lainie got a call from the stage manager. "You're on today...but you can't call an-y-body on your 'list'!"

Lainie asked if she could at least call her mother. "Fine." said the stage manager. Lainie told us that she called her mother…who also had a copy of the list! And a star was born!

Wednesday afternoon I saw Forbidden Broadway and, as usual, loved it. The cast was excellent, and the dishing about Broadway was on the mark. I loved "Sarah Brightman" singing - "Time I said goodbye/ My welcome is wearing thin./I'd best turn my union card in…" There were a lot of other great busts, but various friendships disallow me from mentioning them. Bravo Gerard Alessandrini!

That night James and I went to City Center to see the final dress rehearsal for Applause (after the laptop debacle). First of all, what I love is that Encores! has a program that gives free tickets to big groups of student. Excellent! Please get more teenagers to see and experience live theatre, not only so they can grow to love Broadway, but also so when I finally have a lead in a Broadway show, I'll have an audience show up (I'm nervous that my following will be too infirm by that late date). Before the show, Encores! artistic director Jack Viertel announced that Christine Ebersole had the flu and had missed the last few days of rehearsals (at Encores!, you only rehearse for a few days, so essentially she missed 75 percent of rehearsal!). He said that she didn't want an announcement made, but he assured her that the Metropolitan Opera does, so Encores! can, too! He said he was worried they were going to have to transpose the songs back down to Lauren Bacall's basso profundo keys, and I was about to exchange my free ticket, but he said they didn't. Phew. Well, cut to, Christine was amazing. I told James that I was obsessed with her performance because it was obvious she was sick, but only vocally. She was so relaxed onstage. Not pushing anything, not nervous before she had to sing, making us completely comfortable. And, it was a dress rehearsal. Where's the panic? Where's the "I hope I land this joke, and if I don't, it will confirm I have no talent"? Where's the "We haven't rehearsed this enough so I'm going to make it obvious I'm uncomfortable?" Why doesn't she have all the demons that plague me constantly? It was so inspiring. She was completely at ease. And, she did all the dances flawlessly! Had she been rehearsing via satellite? Brava!

I also have to give a big shout-out to Mario Cantone who played Duane, Margo's hairdresser. Here's what I loved: The role could have been played with no nuance…simply as the sassy sidekick delivering every punch line straight out front, and I'm sure people would have laughed. However, I love that Mario played Duane as a warm person who happened to also have a great sense of humor. Here's the thing, in real life, people make jokes to their friends; in bad-acting world, they make jokes to the audience. So many sitcoms have people rattling off funny quips and asides but no one around them acknowledges that they're being funny…it makes me crazy! And, p.s., Mario also looked amazing and sang up a storm! Continued...

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