"I'd Do Anything": Rudetsky Recap Ten

By Seth Rudetsky
21 Jun 2008

Cameron Mackintosh
Cameron Mackintosh
Photo by © BBC

Seth Rudetsky offers his own unique spin on the new BBC reality show, "I'd Do Anything," which has cast the lead roles of Oliver and Nancy in the forthcoming West End revival of Lionel Bart's Oliver!

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The second to last episode of "I'd Do Anything." Oy already, when will it end? Oh, wait, it has, and I'm the one who's prolonging it by writing a new column every ten days. Fine, off my back. Anyhoo, the semi-finals, as they're called, opened up with the four remaining ladies (Rachel, Jessie, Samantha and Jodie) singing "Food Glorious Food" with the little boys up for Oliver. It reminded me of when I did Oliver as a youngster. I was cast as a workhouse boy, but not part of Fagin's gang. I never knew why — perhaps because of the spare tire circling my stomach and, as they call it in England, my arse. My point is, I was in the opening workhouse scene, but didn't get to be in any other big musical numbers, so "Food, Glorious Food" has always meant something special to me. It meant "Enjoy this number, because you're essentially offstage for the next two hours."

For this episode, the judging panel was joined by a Sir. No, it wasn't Marcie addressing Peppermint Patty, it was Sir Cameron, who's producing this Oliver! on the West End. We saw a clip of all the judges discussing the remaining Nancys. They were sitting around a luxurious table drinking from goblets in what looked like a castle. I didn't know if they were at a restaurant in a Renaissance Fair or Andrew Lloyd Webber's breakfast nook. They were giving the plusses and minuses of each remaining contestant and finally said, "All four could be Nancy in a completely different way," to which my friend Tim added, "Some of them, terribly." Sir Cameron said, for some reason, "I always look for a raw and untried Nancy for my shows." For all of his shows? There was a very raw one in Miss Saigon and a medium-rare one in Les Miz. Steak humor? Anybody?

Lord Lloyd Webber coached the Nancys and hauled out his signature, "I hope they give the performance I got out of them in rehearsal." AKA, if you don't like their performance, it's their fault, not mine.

Rachel sings Cabaret
photo by ©BBC
First up was my favorite, Rachel. Or as they write in England, my favourite. She'd been in the bottom two before and was hoping to deliver a knock-out punch. I was thankful that she sang a musical theatre song, but not that thankful it was the song "Cabaret." That song is like "Everything's Coming Up Roses." It's weird to do it out of context. Do you sing it like it is the show? A fake-happy song of denial? Or do you do it as an actual cabaret act? Rachel did it like an act complete with back-up boys. She skipped the whole section about "I used to have this girlfriend known as Elsie…" and went right to "And as for me, as for me." She then made the bold, and possibly headache-y choice to sing. . .

I made my mind up back in Chelsea
When I go-o-o-o-o-
I'm goin' like
Rachel!

What? Oh. I get it…I guess. After she sang Denise said that she was "shaking from excitement." (PS, I would be, too….sitting next to John Barrowman. I know I'm shallow, but I'm a sucker for a gorgeous face, gorgeous body and total inaccessibility.) Sir Cameron said, "You took a wonderfully well-known song and fused it with your own personality. I would love to see you play Nancy." So would I, Sir Cameron, so would I.

Jessie sings A Chorus Line
photo by ©BBC
Next up was Jessie who wore a silver dress, sat in a chair and sang "What I Did For Love." It smelled of a seventies TV special and Tim piped up with "…and starring Susan Anton." Plus, Jessie's version of selling it was acting every single phrase, word, syllable and eight-note rest. Note to Jessie: You can act the song without showing me you're acting the song. Kiss (wistful) today (stern) Goodbye (melancholy turning to steely resolve). I was exhausted keeping track of all that subtext. By the end, I felt like I had just read "The Iliad." John was not pleased and said that she was indicating and that it was boring(!). She said, "What can I do to excite you?" There was a lot of awkward laughing and then John said, "That's a question a lot of women have asked." Brava! Barry, however, loved her performance. Denise said it was a good performance and Sir Andrew said that she had star quality…as in "just a little touch of star quality."

Then to keep the seventies variety-show vibe going, Samantha and Jodie teamed up for the title song from Jesus Christ Superstar. Jodie didn't sound great, but she added Jessie-style acting choices. As I was watching, I asked the screen, "Jodie! Why so much acting?" and Tim added, "And so little singing." Brava. Sir Lloyd Webber loved it and asked, "Who says the Nancys can't rock?" I hope that was a rhetorical question. The host, Graham Norton, asked him to compare them both. The Lord said, "I'm not going to compare them!" And then went on to say, "One is the real great raunchy singing and the other is the great one on top." Huh? I'm not going to compare them? A. You did and B. It made no sense. Then Tim paused the screen and made me look at the various colors Lloyd Webber's hair is. Tim said his hair has actually become the Technicolor dreamcoat. We started naming the colors (blond and brown and gray and black…) and segued to "Lemon and russet and violet and fawn…and purple and white and pink and orange and blue!" Continued...