By Seth Rudetsky
17 Nov 2008

Wednesday was a big day because Sirius and XM Radio officially merged. I used to only be on Sirius, but now I'm on both the Sirius and the XM Broadway channel. I'm still doing my radio interviews every Wednesday, and I recently had Nick Spangler and Margaret Ann Florence, who play Matt and Luisa in The Fantasticks. When I used to be a sub pianist for the show, it was at the Sullivan Street Playhouse, but now the show has moved to the Snapple Theater. The only problem with the theatre is that it's on top of a restaurant that sometimes gets smoky and, around every two weeks, an incredibly loud fire alarm goes off inside the theatre during the show! Unfortunately, it's always during the "Soon It's Gonna Rain" scene, i.e., the most romantic and quietest section of the show. It happened the night I saw it, and I was alternatively loving the sweet scene being played onstage and trying to remember the correct order of verbs in "Stop, Drop and Roll."

Nick is currently on TV's "The Amazing Race" with his sister, and I asked him what filming it was like. He said that he didn't want the other contestants to know that he was an actor because he thought that they'd assume he was always putting on a façade, so he told people that he was going into his father's business as a funeral director. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to him, right after he told everybody, they went to an airport computer station and googled him, which led right to his acting website. For the rest of the trip, he kept up the façade that he was in the funeral business not knowing that they were keeping up the façade that they believed him. His version of not wanting to appear deceitful set him up to look ten times more deceitful. Excellent work!

Then I interviewed Constantine Maroulis from Rock of Ages and I, as usually, lamented the fact that he lost "American Idol." Turns out, he wanted to sing a sassy song on the show for "90's week," but they couldn't get the rights to the song for TV. So he was stuck with a headache-y one instead. Shockingly, that was the week he was voted off. He said that he loved doing The Wedding Singer on Broadway and, for some reason, keeps getting cast in 80's musicals. I offered the theory that probably his fabulous rock voice appealed to the producers plus the fact that they wouldn't have to pay for a lace-front wig. This week I have the fabulous Orfeh — who has a new CD (!) — and recent Tony winner, Laura Benanti! (Wednesday at noon at the Times Square Information Center).

Friday night I went to the opening of Cirque Du Soleil's Wintuk. Because it was the opening, there was a reception in the lobby before the show with lots of delish snacks. I got my mitts on cotton candy, cupcakes, cookies (alas, not chocolate chip) and hot chocolate. However, it was extremely damaging to my self-image to watch all those phenomenally in-shape Cirque Du Soleil gymnasts knowing I just ingested a year's supply of their sugar intake. Quite frankly, while all of those fit bodies were pushing their physical limits for two hours, I was sitting in the audience for both acts with the top of my pants unbuttoned…there I said it.

Saturday night, we had "family fun night" and James, Juli and I watched "The Bad News Bears." I never saw it back in the 70's, and let me just say that PG then is not like PG now. Those kids were cursing up a storm. When Juli asked what it meant when Tatum O'Neal said that some other kid had balls, I said it was a crazy 70's expression. She does not need to know any anatomical parts that are not on her own body!

This week, I spent a lot of days working on the Rosie O'Donnell variety show, and it looks like it's gonna be fun. Rosie has always loved the Urinetown Officer Lockstock sketches that appear during Gypsy of the Year, so she asked me, Eric Kornfeld and Hunter Foster to write some about her new show. Rosie said that we should bust her as much as possible, and we went to work. They were filmed last week with Jen Cody taking a break from Shrek to do her hilarious take on Little Sally, and the promos are up on Rosie's website (Rosie.com). This is my favorite thing I wrote:

LITTLE SALLY: Who's the host of this new variety show, Officer Lockstock?
OFFICER LOCKTOCK: Rosie O'Donnell. Are you a fan?
LITTLE SALLY: Well, I liked her in "Misery."
OFFICER LOCKSTOCK: That was Kathy Bates, Little Sally.
LITTLE SALLY: I didn't mean the movie, Officer Lockstock, I meant the year she spent on "The View."

OK, people, we're about an hour from L.A. Remember when I did Broadway 101 last year and a cool lady from a production company hired me to write a sitcom about my childhood? Well, I finally finished the script, and we have our first network pitch on Tuesday! I've never pitched a sitcom before, and I'm preparing myself for a sea of blank faces and significant flop sweat. I'm gonna go right from possibly tanking to taking the red eye home so I'm back for the Sirius XM show. I'm sure Orfeh and Laura will love being interviewed by a baggy-eyed, exhausted sleepwalker. Peace out!

*

(Seth Rudetsky is the host of "Seth's Big Fat Broadway" on SIRIUS Satellite Radio and the author of "The Q Guide to Broadway" and the novel "Broadway Nights." He has played piano in the orchestras of 15 Broadway musicals and hosts the BC/EFA benefit weekly interview show Seth's Broadway Chatterbox at Don't Tell Mama every Thursday at 6 PM. He can be contacted by visiting www.sethrudetsky.com.)