Cry-Baby Composers Wrote Tony Awards Opening Number: Read It Here

By .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
and Michael Gioia
13 Jun 2011

Adam Schlesinger and David Javerbaum
Adam Schlesinger and David Javerbaum
Photo by Aubrey Reuben

David Javerbaum and Adam Schlesinger, who wrote the Tony-nominated score for Broadway's Cry-Baby, penned the opening number for the 65th Annual Tony Awards.

Performed by host Neil Patrick Harris and ensemble members from the various Tony-nominated productions, who were all directed by Rob Ashford, the song was titled "Not Just for Gays Anymore." The lyrics for this specialty number as well as Harris' introduction and banter with several celebrities in the audience follow:

Neil Patrick Harris: Good evening! I'm teen heartthrob Neil Patrick Harris. It's an honor to be back hosting the 65th Annual Tony Awards, and I'd like to deliver a very important message on behalf of all of us who care so deeply about this community.

If you've seen a show, then you already know how magical theatre can be. It's a two-hour, live-action, barely affordable, un-lip-synced version of "Glee." So, this song goes out to the rest of you—those who've never seen theatre before—because Broadway has never been broader—it's not just for gays any more!

If you feel like someone that this world excludes, it's no longer only for dudes who like dudes.



Attention every breeder, your invited to the theatre. It's not just for gays anymore.

The glamour of Broadway is beckoning straights—the people who marry in all 50 states.

We're asking every hetero to get to know us better-o. It's not just for gays anymore!

It's for fine, upstanding Christians who know all the songs from Grease.

It's for sober-minded businessmen who yearn for some release.

So, put down your Playboy and go make a plan to pick up a Playbill and feel like a man.

There's so much to discover with your different-gendered lover.

It's not just for gays, the gays and the Jews, and cousins in from out of town you have to amuse, and the sad, embittered malcontents who write the reviews, and also foreign tourists, and the groups of senior citizens and well-to-do suburbanites and liberal intellectuals —though that group is really only Jews and homosexuals—I've lost my train of thought.

Oh yes, it's not just for gays anymore.

See what I'm talking about? Thank you. Wow! You can smell the testosterone in the room, can't you? Look at this place—it's full of straight people. Angela Lansbury, you're super-hot. Are those things real? Stephen Colbert, you're straight as they come. Any thoughts?

Stephen Colbert: I enjoy the theatre. I've enjoyed it all my life. I enjoy it with my female woman wife.

Neil Patrick Harris: Nice. Don't we all, Stephen. Look at all these straight people. James Earl Jones, you're straight. Vanessa Redgrave, you're straight. Joe Mantello—thanks for coming. Brooke Shields, you're super-hot. You made me believe I was straight for 23 years. 

Brooke Shields: When I'm up on stage, there's lots of men who like to watch. In fact, one guy sent a Twit-pic of his crotch.

Bobby Cannavale: Broadway touches parts of me that never have been touched. I love it very CENSORED much.

Neil Patrick Harris: We've got swarms of Mormons, showgirls, sailors, dancing boys and nuns, plus a Spider facing, death-defying, budget over-runs.

So, people from Red states, and people from Blue, a big Broadway rainbow is waiting for you.

Come in and be inspired, there's no sodomy required.

Cause it's not just for gays, it's not just for gays—we'd be twice as proud to have you if you go both ways—Broadway is not just for gays anymore!!

*

Adam Schlesinger was part of the pop group Fountains of Wayne. He was Oscar-nominated for Best Song for the title tune of the film, "That Thing You Do," and co-wrote the theme song for the movie, "Josie and the Pussycats." His credits also include contributions to "Crank Yankers," "Saturday Night Live," "There's Something About Mary" and more.

Lyricist David Javerbaum is an Emmy-winning writer for "The Daily Show" and penned lyrics and co-wrote the book to the well-regarded Off-Broadway musical, Suburb, which has also been seen regionally. That show won the 2000 Richard Rodgers Development Award.