For those of you who were hoping Road House might be a musical starring Carol Channing, move on.

Seeming to take a page from the populist programming seen at the New York International Fringe Festival, producers Timothy Haskell, Tanya Bershadsky and Michael Voyer in association with Andrea Ciannavei present Road House: The Stage Version of the Cinema Classic That Starred Patrick Swayze, Except This One Stars Taimak From the '80s Cult Classic 'The Last Dragon' Wearing a Blonde Mullet Wig starting Oct. 30 at La Tea in the Lower East Side. Performances continue to Nov. 22, playing 8 PM Thursdays and Fridays, 7 & 10 PM Saturdays.

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Road House, the stage version, "is a deconstructed, and comical, version of this modern day western B-movie from 1989," according to production notes. "It's about an internationally revered bouncer hired to clean up a small town dive only to get sucked into the local politics, biting off more than he can chew...or has he?"

The production is billed as "completely kinetic" with chase scenes, explosions and action being created on miniature sets with a videographer filming and projecting live images on a large screen. Foley artists are will create sound effects live on stage. Timothy Haskell directs and adapts the screenplay, which is a word-for-word lift of the script, with some scenes deleted.

"I think 'Road House' fans will really dig this but if they go thinking they are going to see the movie on stage, they won't get that," he told Playbill On-Line. "I'm taking the character archetypes — the hero, the bad guy, the slut, the stupid girlfriend dependent on the hero, the 'gay' villain — and heightening them with the intention of how ridiculous they are. I'm spoofing why these elements work in a movie."

Road House stars Taimak Guarriello (pronounced "tie mock"). He is a martial arts master (7th degree black belt), a New York state kickboxing champion, personal trainer to Madonna (and was the martial arts coordinator on her "Drowned World Tour"), and play Bruce LeeRoy in the '80s cult classic "The Last Dragon."

The cast also includes Jamie Benge, Christopher Joy, Harry Listig, Lucia Burns, Kellie Montanio, Nick Ahrens, Laura Baggett, Ago the Magichef, Rolando Zuniga, Rachael Roberts and Brian Kantrowitz.

The creative team includes Taimak Guarriello (fight choreography), Rebeca Ramirez (choreography) and designers Paul Smithyman (set), Angela Sierra (lighting), Huck Dill (wigs) and Mark Cannistraro (sound).

"I have no intention of 'camping' this up," Haskell said. "The film on stage, trust me, will be enough. Although, there will be some distinct stylistic choices, this is not a musical, we're calling it a 'brawlsical'... Trust me, I know what kind of film this is. I want to get to the bottom of why so many seemingly smart people can quote lines from this film."

La Tea is at CSV, 107 Suffolk Street between Rivington and Delancey. Advance tickets are $19.89 (the year the movie opened) and $22 at the door. For information, call SmartTix at (212) 868-4444 or go to www.smarttix.com.