It's hard being an unknown actor. No one recognizes your name, no one knows your face, and no one wants to listen to you whine about your harrowing audition processses. Until now. Nine yet-to-be-discovered actors have penned and will perform their worst audition experiences in the Miranda Theatre production, Big Kiss, running Mondays July 10-Aug. 14.

Writer-actor Henry Alford (VH-1's "Rock of Ages") hosts the evening which features Micheline Auger, Joshua Lewis Berg, Greta Enszer, Hilary Howard, Victoria LaBalme, Matt Meyer, Victoria Schmitt and Alicia Velez recounting a series of horrific things they've gone through to get a paying job. Among the tales of terror: forced copulation between performers in koala bear costumes, posing with one's one poop for a Japanese artist's avant-garde exhibit, auditioning for Disney with a racy interpretation of Paula Abdul's "Cold Hearted Snake," and becoming a cockfighting chicken at the insistance of an experimental director.

The titles really say it all: "Animal Porn," "Gay Bozo the Clown," "Trampling Contemptuously on Thy Disdain" and "Poop."

Tickets are $5. The Miranda Theatre is located at 259 West 30th Street. For reservations, call (212) 268-9829.

-- By Christine Ehren