In this poll -- more of a survey, really -- Playbill On-Line members were asked to supply one song from the musical Oklahoma! -- if it had been written by Stephen Sondheim.
By the way, Paul Salsini, editor of The Sondheim Review, e-mailed us the interesting information that Sondheim himself did a parody of Oklahoma! when he was at Williams College. As far as known, his effort was not staged, but published in "The Purple Cow," the campus magazine of which Sondheim was an associate editor, in December 1947.
Sondheim's parody was called Utah! for no apparent reason.
It was based on Dickens' A Christmas Carol, and consisted mostly of songs. One was "Oh, What a Terrific Mornin'" sung by "50-Fifty-50 Goldwyn girls dressed in Mainbocher cowgirl costumes."
Another had Aunt Agony singing a parody of "Surrey with the Fringe on Top," the end of Act One was "UUUUuuuu---------tah!", Martha sang, "I Can't Say Scrooge," and there was a dirge, "Poor Scrooge is Scrounged." Here are the best of the r-e-s-u-l-t-s of the Playbill Poll:
From Paul Micsan:
INTO THE CORN
(To the tune of the title song from Into the Woods)
Into the corn,
the wheat and all.
The surrey's big but Curly's small.
Laurie's so young,
you'd never think she'd someday be a Partridge.
Into the corn.
Look out for that cow!
Who's Ado Annie doing now?
Into the corn.
This hayride's fun.
Oh, look she got some peddler!
The corn is green.
The sunset's red.
Who's lying there?
Oops, Jud is dead!
We'll bury him here.
The sod is just fine.
I sorta hate to ask it
but do you have a casket?
Into the corn.
Let's go to the dance.
Will Parker's there without with pants.
Into the corn.
Just look at him prance.
Let's keep him from the livestock!
Into the corn.
Into the corn.
Into the corn
and out of the wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat!
Let's move to Kansas City!
From Pam Wilt:
(sung to the tune of "The Farmer and the Cowman")
Lloyd Webber fans and mine should all be friends,
Oh, Lloyd Webber fans and mine should all be friends,
His sort find aspects sublime,
Mine respect an inner rhyme,
But that's no reason why they cain't be friends!
Theatre lovin' folk should stick together,
Theatre lovin' folk should be nice fellas,
Phantom dance with old Sweeney's daughter,
Sweeney dance with Grizabella's!
(Cameron Mackintosh:)
I'd like to say a word for Sir Andrew,
He come out west with scores of songs to sing us.
He come out west with tons of shows to put on,
(Sondhead:)
With tons of scen'ry actors all can chew on!
(Hal Prince:)
I'd like to say a word for our Stephen,
He come out east with songs that soar and challenge,
His songs have depth in more ways I can mention,
(Aunt Eller holding KFC bucket and waving pistol at audience:)
But only if ya'll hear and pay attention!
(All sing:)
Theatre lovin' folk should stick together,
Theatre lovin' folk should be nice fellas,
Phantom kidnap old Sweeney's daughter,
Sweeney bake old Grizabella's!
YEOW!
From Trevor List:
Stephen Sondheim's "Red Glows the Dynamite," is a 1990's updating (and ode to his mentor) of Oscar Hammerstein II's "Oklahoma!"
With a book by Timothy McVey, it details the lives of a small group freemen living in the wide open plains of OK and the turmoil surrounding them and US citizens. Also central to the plot is Aunt Eller's wish that Curly McClain would take her niece, Laurey, away from her farm - so that she can spend her last living hours (before the CIA agents come for a shoot out), alone on her farm ("Away from my Farm").
The show starts with the brilliant "Rebel Waltz," and other songs include "Into the Fields," "Freemen and the Citizens," "Oh, What a Wonderful Standoff," "OK Baby," and the moving aria, "Pretty Pistols."
"Away from my Farm" (to the tune of `Send in the Clowns')
AUNT ELLER
What's with that girl?
She's in rut.
Won't you just marry that Laurey-
That pain in my butt.
Me and my farm.
Jus' give `er a kiss.
That'd make her your gal
Finally see `n who you are -
she'd be yer pal
Get (her) off of my farm.
Away from my farm!
Just when I thought
She'd go away
Finally hoping that day of dream was - today!
Thinking of all of the corn and the oats that I'd never share
Things sure looked up
I'd let down my hair
Don't you want her?
My fault I fear
I'd thought that you'd want some action
No - you want beer
Take her away
Far from my farm
Or shall I use fear?
Do you want cash?
Money for spare?
Please hurry up and decide before I die
Away from my farm
Far away from my farm.
Well, maybe next year.
From Happgood:
Imagine Sondheim's Ado Annie, drinking a Vodka Stinger and proclaiming:
Pardon me, is everybody listening?
Then lend an ear,
It's just I've a dilemma,
One that obfuscates me now with fear!
It's nothing too substantial,
Rather pale, not even gory...
It's the tale of this poor female who cannot be negatory!
I'm just a lass who says with sass,
I can take on the male world en masse!
I always say who thinks of sin?,
Let's go Into The Woods
Let the fun begin!
At first, I might act shyly reserved
But it's only 'cause my wiles are slyly preserved
They'll soon discover I'm the best,
I'll ziplock a liplock on males in the West!
Though I Feel Pretty and Lovely too,
I'd love to get my hands you!
On the porch with a torch,
On the sofa or settee,
On buggy, on bushel, on basket or beddy!
With the Miller's Son I could have fun,
The Baker's hands can knead a bun,
That Todd boy can be rather odd,
Everybody loves Louis, that crazy clod!
One thing I know,
I put on quite a show
We'll Be Together Wherever We Go!
On a rug with a shrug we'll be snug as a bug...
And do it with finesse,
But I can't for the life or me,
And it can't be the "wife" in me!
No I can't...
Not Say Yes!
From IVORIESMAN:
"OH WHAT A PONDEROUS MORNING"
(to the tune of "Oh, What a Beautiful Morning")
Oh, what a ponderous morning
Such a perfunctory day
Nothing is real or has feeling
See how those pompous fools play
There are linnet birds perched on my window
But how is it they sing worse than sin, though?
They seem to mock me asking, "Why do you cry?"
"Does anyone still wear a hat?", I reply
Oh, what a ponderous morning
Such a perfunctory day
Nothing is real or has feeling
See how those pompous fools play
All the cattle are foul and pretentious
And the cowmen who own them relentless
They groan bit by bit as they pick up the s**t,
"There's a place for us, somewhere, but this sure ain't it"
Oh what a ponderous morning
Such a perfunctory day
Nothing is real or has feeling
See how those pompous fools play
From hoover:
(Just as the whole wedding bit is over and the chorus has sung the final note of the title song, a shaft of light finds Aunt Eller down center.)
AUNT ELLER
(With a look of jubilation.) At last my farm is complete again!
Fade
THE END
