Full given name: |
Lucy The Slut |
Hometown: |
None of your f#@%ing business |
Zodiac sign: |
What's the one with the crabs? That one. |
Audition song: |
Oh, sugar, I don't audition. I get offered gigs outright. Though sometimes I do hafta seal the deal by dancing one of my specialties: the Backseat Samba, the Horizontal Hula, or the Mattress Mambo. |
Special skills: |
Ball juggling, cigar smoking, pony riding, muffin buttering, carpet cleaning, candlewick dipping, nut cracking, rock climbing, tool grinding, pipe laying, clock winding, pearl diving, and basket weaving. |
First Broadway show ever saw: |
Does the peep show at 42nd and 8th count? Changed my life… |
If you could go back in time and catch any Broadway show, what would it be? |
I'd rather meet my Broadway boys after they're done for the night and slam dollar shots at the Port Authority bowling alley. That's Broadway for me. |
Current show you have been recommending to friends: |
I WAS recommending In the Heights as a favor to Lin-Manuel, cuz he and I had our own little weekly matinee in his dressing room, but ever since he left the show, that [Spanish expletive] doesn't return my calls. |
Favorite show tune: |
Is "Superfreak" from a musical? |
Most played song on your iPod: |
"%#@$ the Pain Away" by Peaches |
Web obsession: |
I don't obsess about the internet, men on the internet obsess about me. |
Last book you read: |
"The Selected Works of T.S. Spivet" — why are you looking at me like that? I read. Motherf#@%er. |
Must-see TV show: |
"Hung" |
Last good movie you saw: |
"Harry Potter and the Half-Pierced Prince Albert" |
Favorite board/card game: |
Take your pick: Strip Poker, Strip Go Fish, Strip Twister, Strip Boggle |
Performer you would drop everything to go see: |
Lover, I did drop everything to see Justin Timberlake, if you know what I mean. And believe you me, the view was tasty. |
Pop culture guilty pleasure: |
I'm only admittin' this cuz I'm on my third Long Island Iced Tea, but I love that "Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood." Their disgustingly sweet relationship almost makes me want to get hitched myself someday. Then it goes to commercial and I come back to my senses. |
First stage kiss: |
Does it count as a kiss if it wasn't my lips? Or his? |
Worst onstage mishap: |
I'm a professional. Whenever something goes wrong on stage, I know how to handle it so no one ever remembers. I flash my %#$&. |
Who have you played on "Law & Order"? Which edition? |
I've come so close to playing almost every dead hooker you've ever seen on those shows, but they always decide to go with someone "less fuschia and less felty." |
Pets' names? |
I have a snake named Pleasure and a gerbil named Richard. I keep them separated. |
Favorite junk food: |
Hot dogs and popsicles. |
Who would play you in the movie? |
Chelsea Handler |
Leading lady role you've been dying to play: |
Hedda Gabler. Don't look at me like that. I have range! Motherf%$#ing… |