The Big Kiss is over. The nine yet-to-be-discovered actors who have penned and are performing their worst audition experiences at the Miranda Theatre production, will do it two last times -- at 7 PM and 9 PM -- Monday Aug. 14. Performances began July 10.

Writer-actor Henry Alford (VH-1's "Rock of Ages") hosts the evening which features Micheline Auger, Joshua Lewis Berg, Greta Enszer, Hilary Howard, Victoria LaBalme, Matt Meyer, Victoria Schmitt and Alicia Velez recounting a series of horrific things they've gone through to get a paying job. Among the tales of terror: forced copulation between performers in koala bear costumes, posing with one's own poop for a Japanese artist's avant-garde exhibit, auditioning for Disney with a racy interpretation of Paula Abdul's "Cold Hearted Snake," and becoming a cockfighting chicken at the insistance of an experimental director.

The titles really say it all: "Animal Porn," "Gay Bozo the Clown," "Trampling Contemptuously on Thy Disdain" and "Poop."

Tickets are $5. The Miranda Theatre is located at 259 West 30th Street. For reservations, call (212) 268-9829.

-- By Christine Ehren