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It was my last week going back and forth to Provincetown, and what is a week of travel for me without a headache-y airport experience? Here goes: I left my apartment at around 10:15 to make my 11:50 flight. No bags to check and I already had my boarding pass. The cab took me all the way uptown to cross the bridge into Queens…and it was closed. Yay? The policeman directing traffic gave us no info on how long it would be closed, or if there was another entrance so the driver decided he had to go all the [AUDIO-LEFT]way downtown to the midtown tunnel. When we finally got on the FDR drive and were headed down, we looked to the left…and the bridge was open. There was traffic going both ways on it. We don't know if there was a secret entrance or a detour, but he felt we had to go downtown to be safe. When we finally got to JFK, I still had to wait on the security line. I was having a panic attack but finally got through the x-ray, looked up at the monitors to see what gate the plane was at and right next to the gate number, it didn't say "boarding." It said CLOSED. I knew that it wasn't yet 11:50, so I ran like a lunatic to the gate and made it there at 11:43…and got on the plane! So relieved! I could not believe I was able to get on the plane minutes before departure, and I knew everyone's eyes were on me as I walked down the aisle. Then, as I sat down and finally stopped my panting, all the passenger's eyes shifted…to two other people boarding after me! How dare they trump my drama!
Anyhoo, it's finally September and I'm about to be on the road again. And by "road," I mean "sea." I leave on Thursday for the Playbill cruise, so the next time I write this column, I'll have my signature jet lag and weight gain. But until then, here's the update from my last week in Provincetown.
photo by Rex Bonomelli |
The whole show, as bizarre as this sounds, it sponsored by Fleet Enemas. Seriously. After dressing in a nautical outfit and singing an incredibly clever song called "When the Fleet's In," he tells the audience that he's feeling like Oprah so everyone in the audience is getting an enema. He starts passing them out yelling, "You get an enema! And you get an enema!" — a la Oprah's "You get a car! And you get a car!" He then kindly asks people to wait until they get home before using them. Well, the Fleet company has now asked him to make his signature hilarious videos to promote the brand, and the first one is a brava. It's a tip o' the hat to Hurricane Irene.
ANDREA: Not really, but can I help you with anything?
WOMAN: Do you know a place where I can get a hot dog?
ANDREA: Uh…not really. What about a bagel or some eggs.
WOMAN: (Adamant) No! A hot dog. I just need something to tide me over.
Andrea saw me minutes later and was obsessed with the conversation. First of all, a hot dog? It was 10:20 in the morning. Second of all, "tide you over" until what?
Andrea's shows were both sold out and it was a great way to end the series. Standing ovations as well. Not for my show, FYI. But for her show. I'm so "happy" for her. She's coming on the Playbill Cruise, too and she's bringing one of her best friends, Debra Monk. They will either have an amazing time. Or it will be the ruination of their friendship.
photo by Joseph Marzullo/WENN |
All righty, before I go, I must mention my latest Playbill Obsessed! video featuring Sierra Boggess. She demonstrates an audition song I put together for her that features all of her career highlights in 16 bars. Take a gander!
And I've finally caught up on my podcast versions of this column. If you go here, you can listen to me babbling — with much-needed musical breaks throughout. Happy Labor Day and Back-to-School week!
(Seth Rudetsky has played piano in the pits of many Broadway shows including Ragtime, Grease and The Phantom of the Opera. He was the artistic producer/conductor for the first five Actors Fund concerts including Dreamgirls and Hair, which were both recorded. As a performer, he appeared on Broadway in The Ritz and on TV in "All My Children," "Law and Order C.I." and on MTV's "Made" and "Legally Blonde: The Search for the Next Elle Woods." He has written the books "The Q Guide to Broadway" and "Broadway Nights," which was recorded as an audio book on Audible.com. He is currently the afternoon Broadway host on Sirius/XM radio and tours the country doing his comedy show, "Deconstructing Broadway." He can be contacted at his website SethRudetsky.com, where he has posted many video deconstructions.)