Remember the classic thriller "The Postman Always Rings Twice?" Well, the US Post Office is up to something else in the musical multi-media parody, The Mailman Always Comes Twice, playing Nov. 6-24 with Varla Jean Merman in the Lana Turner role.

Greasy diners, a big Greek named Gus, insurance fraud, ex-con in tight white t-shirts and a visit to the gas chamber all figure into Mailman, based on the 1946 film, which starred Lana Turner as a married woman seduced by a drifter and handyman played by John Garfield. Bradford Scobie takes the Garfield role. Also in the cast are Daniel Booth as Gus, David Ilku and Mark McCombs with a special appearance by Booth's alter ego Sweetie.

Merman, the rumored love child of Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman, recently toured London, Los Angeles and San Francisco with her show, Varla Jean Merman is All Washed Up. Her previous outings include The Very Worst of Varla Jean Merman, I, Who Have Nothing, Peel Me A Grape, Varla Jean Merman: A Christmas Concert, Varla Jean Merman Is The Bad Seedling and Enough About Me.

Merman is the creation of Jeffrey T. Roberson, who has appeared on Broadway in Chicago and in cabaret opposite Betty Buckley singing excerpts from Carrie. He won a 1997 Bistro Award and a 1998 Mac Award.

Kevin Malony (Elgies for Angels, Punks and Raging Queens, I Could Go On Lip-Synching with Lypsinka) conceived and directs Mailman with video direction by Grady Hendrix. Stephen Pell wrote the script for the TWEED Fractured Classics series. Tickets are $30-$35. The Chelsea Playhouse is located at 125 West 22nd Street between 6th and 7th Avenues. For reservations, call (212) 358 3436.

— By Christine Ehren