PLAYBILL PLAYLIST: Kinky Boots' Ellyn Marie Marsh Picks Most Inappropriate Songs of All Time

Playlist   PLAYBILL PLAYLIST: Kinky Boots' Ellyn Marie Marsh Picks Most Inappropriate Songs of All Time
 
Ellyn Marie Marsh, who can be seen in Broadway's Kinky Boots, will get Inappropriate in her 54 Below solo show Jan. 3, 2015. In anticipation of the concert, she picks the most inappropriate songs ever as part of this week's Playbill Playlist

Marsh said, "Narrowing down only 10 inappropriate songs is quite difficult. I mean, from Michael Jackson singing to a rat ('Ben'), to inappropriate lyrics that we didn't know we were singing… It's all amazing and awful at the same time. Saving my all time worst and most inappropriate song for last, I'm starting with number 10."

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At the 11:30 PM concert, according to press notes, "Ellyn shares her sharp comedic wit and high belting, offering an evening of popular songs, musical theater songs, and of course, medleys — accompanied by stories of performing on Broadway and persuading her daughter to be a doctor. As the love child Sarah Silverman, Chita Rivera and Neil Patrick Harris, Ellyn will put on a self-deprecation extravaganza like you've never seen before. It's Adele, and Streisand, and Beyoncé and none of that."

Marsh will be joined by special guests Adam Kaplan (Newsies), Cortney Wolfson (Kinky Boots) and Joey Taranto (Spider-Man Turn Off the Dark).

Katherine Paige will produce the evening, featuring musical direction by Drew Wutke and direction by Andrew Briedis.

Marsh has also been seen on Broadway in Priscilla Queen of the Desert and Enron.

54 Below is located at 254 West 54th Street. There is a $20 cover charge plus a $20 food and beverage minimum. For more information and tickets, call (646) 476-3551 or visit 54Below.com.

10. "Girls" (The Beastie Boys). Though a huge fan of the Beastie Boys growing up, I never REALLY listened to the words to this song until my feminist, Berkeley-living, vintage-clothes-wearing self was almost past my grunge phase. But the song "Girls" insinuates that they need girls to "do the dishes, to clean up my room, to do the laundry…" What really makes me deem this song inappropriate was everything ELSE women are capable of. The list wasn't nearly complete! They forgot: not being able to parallel park, cleaning the cat littTer, dusting, being "fine," nagging, birthing babies and vacuuming. For shame, Beastie Boys. For shame.

9. "Gorilla" (Bruno Mars). I am a HUGE Bruno Mars fan. Love him, love his voice. Love it all. However, Bruno… May I call you Bruno? Maybe after "a body full of liquor," you might FEEL like a gorilla. I'm preeeeeeetty sure you're like 5'4" in heels… Also? I'm gonna pass on making love like a gorilla. Have you seen a gorilla mate? I suggest you YouTube that noise and get back to me; it's super not cute. I call number nine INAPPROPRIATE "Gorilla." Thanks, but no thanks, dude.

8. "Buttons" (The Pussycat Dolls). I would have put the whole Pussycat Dolls catalogue on here, but Mr. Playbill said that wouldn't be any fun. So I'm going to go with "Buttons," with a story. I was teaching at a dance school a few years back, and I offered the girls a chance to pick one of their recital songs by secret ballot. Yeah, big mistake. "Buttons" was the unanimous vote. I shook my head and went with "Not For The Life Of Me" from Thoroughly Modern Millie. I figured they'd never know the difference. I mean…

Don't leave me asking for more
I'm a sexy mama
Who knows just how to get what I wanna
What I want to do is spring this on you (on you)
Back up all of the things that I told you
You've been saying all the right things all night long
But I can't seem to get you over here to help take this off…

I'm pretty sure I avoided a lawsuit there.

7. "I Will Always Love You" (Whitney Houston). I was at a wedding a few years back, and this was their wedding song. Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You"… DID YOU LISTEN TO THE WORDS, you guys? INAPPROPRIATE!!!!!

6. "Me and Bobby McGee" (Janis Joplin). The flower child in me loved Janis Joplin growing up. I even used a quote from "Me and Bobby McGee" in my senior picture in high school. But Janis, first, obviously, rest in peace. But, also? That's really bad grammar. It should have been "Bobby McGee and I," right?

5. "Send in The Clowns" (Catherine Zeta-Jones). Catherine Zeta Jones singing "Send in The Clowns" at the Tony's. Cause… What the hell?

4. "Wrecking Ball" (Miley Cyrus). This is a little spoiler into my show here…but Miley Cyrus. Did no one WATCH the "Wrecking Ball" video before they unleashed that on my eyeballs? The song is catchy; I get the appeal. This is making my "Inappropriate" list for the VIDEO. Why are you licking the hammer? That's A) Unsanitary. 2) A… That's it. It's just gross. I mean, my hammer at my house sits in a gross box with metal and dust and stuff. I can't imagine your hammer is any cleaner than mine, Miley. It's just gross. INAPPROPRIATE VIDEO!

3. "Shoop" (Salt n' Pepa). I'm already at three? OK. So, I love this song. But let me explain. In Salt n' Pepa's "Shoop," obviously, they are wanting to shoop with many men, that doesn't bother me. I don't care when they offer to "lick him like a lollipop should be licked" — that's fine… I don't mind when they want to "thank your mother for a butt like that…" — cause they are just being grateful. What DOES bother me is Salt…errrr…Pepa — I get confused — one of the condiments says, "Ooo, how you doin', baby? No, not you… You, the bow-legged one, yeah. What's your name? Damn, that sounds sexy." … Don't make fun of the BOW-LEGGED MAN. I feel like your advances aren't sincere. Pep. Er. Salt. INAPPROPRIATE cat calling there, ladies.

2. "Cause I'm a Blonde" (Julie Brown). My second-to-last inappropriate song isn't so much inappropriate in life, but it's inappropriate in the sense that I knew the words to this when I was like eight years old. I thought it was hilarious then, and I think it still is. So, to sum it up, I had bad taste in music as a child. I can still sing this song word for word, and once when I worked at Ellen's Stardust Diner, this was one of Emily McNamara's songs, and I sang it…to be ironic. Don't tell her. Number 2 is "Cause I'm a blonde" from "Earth Girls Are Easy," the best worst movie ever. Inappropriate not in nature, but in how big of a role it played in my young life…

1. "The Christmas Shoes" (New Song). When Playbill asked me to do this list, I wasn't sure what was going to be on it, but I knew what number one would be. This has NOTHING to do with the season. If it were July, my answer would still be the same. The saddest, most inappropriate song to have ever been written and/or sung…is without a doubt, "Christmas Shoes."

Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my mama, please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry, sir, daddy says there's not much time
You see she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes would make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful, if mama meets Jesus tonight

Stop. Stop the kid. Stop the lip-syncing. I feel like an awful person. A dirty, poor boy comes to a shoe store to buy what can only be described as clogs in a floral pattern for his mom, who might die tonight. I feel like a responsible adult would have been like, "How 'bout we buy your mom a nice meal or something? I don't think your mama wants to meet her maker in those." I mean, an adult should have intervened. Coupled with the soft rock/country sound and then the CHOIR of children. UNNECESSARY. This might be the most depressing song ever to be produced on this planet. INAPPROPRIATE on all levels.

Thank you for letting me share my playlist. Play them, and be merry. Merry Christmas! Come see my show at 54 below! Jan. 3 at 11:30 PM. Or don't. I'm not the boss of you.

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